Uncomfortable about animals wearing clothes

[Hope67]

Little Hope wants me to write about her long-standing discomfort with 'animals wearing clothes' - she really feels uncomfortable about it - like she hates 'Wind in the Willows' because of Toad and other characters all wearing clothes - she doesn't like those paintings you sometimes see where a dog is wearing a suit or clothes - and some people like to dress their pets up in clothes - that's another thing that she finds 'icky'.

I don't know why it causes both Little Hope and Adult Hope uncomfortable feelings. 

I just wanted to write about it, and ask if anyone else feels that way.  I guess we can all dislike something, but I wonder why it has such a strong reaction in me. 

Hope 

[Hope67]

Since I posted this, I've wondered more about why this subject holds uncomfortable feelings, and a few thoughts have come to mind for me, so I wanted to jot them down, whilst they are still fresh in my mind.  There is a big part of me that wishes I didn't feel uncomfortable about this - i.e. 'why me' - why should it be an 'issue' for me?  It makes me wonder if there was something that happened in my childhood that is relevant - but I can't recall any specific aspect related - then I think that maybe it's because the idea of putting animals into clothes is 'restrictive' and 'unnatural' (in my view) as they aren't usually 'dressed up' - unless you think of a coat to keep a dog warm - which I guess is quite kind really.

Also, I am aware that my sister, whom I have only re-connected with briefly - but whose Facebook pages I now see regularly, keeps posting photos of animals dressed in clothes, so I guess that she really 'likes' those things - and maybe that is slightly winding me up, to keep seeing images that I find uncomfortable to view.  Of course, I don't have to see her Facebook feed, but it's a remaining link to her - as we no longer communicate anymore - and somehow it feels a bit 'comforting' to know that she's ok and posting things.

I don't feel I 'know her' - not properly - I never got to know her - my FOO didn't allow us to have a relationship - and now we're both adults, she is VERY different from me - she has some very 'out there' ideas and beliefs.  I am far more conservative and traditional I guess in my opinions and my beliefs.  I did try to open my world view to accept some of her beliefs, but in the end, I felt she was trying to influence me with them, rather than allow me to have my own thoughts and feelings about things. 

Anyway, it was good to have written a bit more about this.  I guess I won't really know what lies behind my 'uncomfortable' feelings - but maybe the reason will become clear one day - or I'll get to the bottom of it.

Hope 

[Blueberry]

Just want to let you know I read both these posts, Hope. I'm sorry this makes you and Little Hope so uncomfortable. I'm sure there'll be some reason and that reason will become clear when you're ready for it.

Also, I can understand you checking your sister's FB as a remaining link. I check the news in areas of the world where my FOO lives, fairly obsessively in fact. 

[Deep Blue]

 

[I like vanilla]

Hello Hope (and Little Hope),

I am sorry to hear that you are unable to be close to your sister. Unfortunately, divide and conquer is a common strategy by dysfunctional and/or abusive parents of their children. This strategy both gives narcissistic supply  (ah the thrill of watching the siblings squabble  ) and keeps the siblings from comparing notes and banding together as they realize the games that their parent(s) are playing against them.

Unfortunately too, sometimes these wedges formed in early childhood are difficult to overcome even in adulthood. It is understandable that you check your sister's FB page; you are curious about who she is and who you are in relation to her. I hope you are able to work things out with her. I managed to rework and rebuild relationships with my sisters but remain out of touch with my brothers, even though I would really be overjoyed to have contact again with one of them... It is a mixed bag that seems to depend largely on whether and how the siblings feel about reconnecting.

For the uncomfortableness around animals in clothing, I am unable to say what is going on inside you and Little Hope, but reading your posting I realized that I have generally been uncomfortable with animals in clothing too - both the costumed pets people post on the internet and the type of art and story that you cited with animals in clothes, etc. Reading you posting gave me a chance to reflect on the source of discomfort (thank you for that). For me, I am guessing that animals in clothing represent two types of gaslighting both of which push my own buttons related to the types of abuse I experienced in my FOO.

The first type of gaslighting comes largely from the animals in costumes videos on the internet. I avoid those videos like the plague. They do not so much make me uncomfortable as angry. While some of these animals seem indifferent to their costumes, many show fear, distress, anger, and other signs of upset for being forced into these clothes. The gaslighting comes in when the humans, instead of removing the distressing clothing, videotape and laugh and enjoy the pet's discomfort - UGH! And the comments talk about how 'cute' and 'funny' it all is... double UGH! I realize that for me, this gaslighting of the pets pushes the button laid in me when my family (largely mother and older brother) would torment me then when I gave the predictable and entirely reasonable responses of anger and upset, would gaslight me, telling me I had no sense of humour and ought to loosen up, it was just teasing, etc. They never cared about my feelings they cared only about getting narcissistic supply from my reactions - these video posters similarly seem to not care at all about their pets' distress, only about getting good footage to garner more likes on social media. I emphasize greatly with these pets.

The other form of gaslighting, for me, I think comes more so from the animals in suits and human clothing in art (e.g. dogs playing poker, animals in the Wind in the Willows, etc.). I think, for me, these portrayals of animals in human situations pushes the buttons of being expected to be something that I am not. By putting toad in clothing, for example, the story is saying 'you need to stop being the toad that you are and instead be the human-being-creature that we demand that you be even though that portrayal betrays the being that you really are.' I think that the clothing on the animals emphasizes both the need to not just wear a human facade but also the demand to play the specific role defined by the type of clothing the animal is wearing, all entirely without consideration of the animal's own beingness. OK, yes, I am probably reading into it based on my internal buttons  ... But, for me, what I think I am responding to is a form of gaslighting that denies the beingness that the character has in favour of an illusion that the controller wishes that character to portray. I lived with that demand to portray a facade of who I was (and often even who I was not) to please my NM and 'earn' her - ahem - 'love'. It has taking me a long time to figure out who I am as a separate entity with my own Self and Beingness separate from my NM (my username relates to the fact at one time I could not choose between chocolate and vanilla ice cream because I really did not know my own preferences).  Again, I emphasize greatly with the animals in these human-like portrayals,

I cannot know if any of that applies to your situation and inner thoughts and feelings, but I do appreciate the opportunity to learn more about what is going on inside me. Little Vanilla says thank you too.

[Kizzie]

Hey Hope- good topic as I too feel uncomfortable with animals in clothes too, also animals doing tricks, etc.  For me it's because it is so disrespectful to the animals with whom we share this earth.  We put them in clothes and teach them to do tricks to entertain and amuse us which is kind of how I felt as a kid.  I was dressed up and trained to do "tricks" like smile when I felt like crying. 

It just seems to indicate a profound lack of respect, and it objectifies and demeans others be they animal or human. 

[Hope67]

Hi Blueberry, Deep Blue, I Like Vanilla & Kizzie,

I am thankful for all your replies on this subject, and I am going to re-read all your replies during this week - because I would like to reflect on what you've all said. 

It means a lot that you each took the trouble to respond and to say what you said.  Thank you. 

I have already related to the content, and it is meaningful, and I am going to reflect on it further before saying more.  Such a helpful process in all of this.

Thank you.

Hope 

[I like vanilla]

Hey Hope- good topic as I too feel uncomfortable with animals in clothes too, also animals doing tricks, etc.  For me it's because it is so disrespectful to the animals with whom we share this earth.  We put them in clothes and teach them to do tricks to entertain and amuse us which is kind of how I felt as a kid.  I was dressed up and trained to do "tricks" like smile when I felt like crying. 

It just seems to indicate a profound lack of respect, and it objectifies and demeans others be they animal or human.

[Hope67]

All these replies - they are so helpful.  I am going to pop back when I've been able to digest them and think about them some more.  You've all said very helpful things - thank you!
Hope 

[sanmagic7]

this was interesting to read cuz i never gave too much thought to cartoon animals in clothes, as so many of them are, or those depicted in books/drawings.  to me they were all imaginary in the first place, so i gave no credence to them being dressed.

real animals in clothes has always just seemed weird to me, like the owners were trying to make human companions out of their pets.  i never got it.   even when i lived in the bitter cold north country, they went outside to do their business without clothes.  they just didn't stay out very long, no longer than i would have without a jacket and hat on.

hope, i hope that you and little hope will one day discover what encourages this discomfort.  and, even if you don't, that's ok, too.   just goes to show, once again, how different we all can be.  love and hugs to you.

[Hope67]

Thanks SanMagic - I continue to feel the discomfort about it - and it's amazing how many examples of it turn up most days!  But I am coping, and I am still wondering about why it is so discomforting to me - I feel sure it will become clear one day.

Like you say, we are all different - that is refreshing too.

Hope 

[sanmagic7]

funny you mention that about npd people and dressing their animals.  my oldest daughter who's npd does that all the time and posts those pics readily on social media. i know she doesn't put her cats in undue distress, but still.  it isn't natural.  they're happy without the extra clothing.  interesting.