Drama Fix for NM

[Kizzie]

So I've talked here previously about how my NM used my cancer to get attention for herself when I was diagnosed in 2007 and how devastating that was for me (although in hindsight it sealed the deal that it was NOT me who had the problem). 

We're in wild fire season where I live and yesterday afternoon were put on evacuation  alert.  I am LC with my M but wanted to let her know in case it makes the news - it's likely it will because it's the largest fire in the province.  So I emailed her.  I also phoned to let our son know and he was good, concerned but calm.  My NM on the other hand just happens to be on a road trip with her sister and niece and so it's a great opportunity for her to  .  Never mind that it is us who are facing evacuation (or cancer or whatever), what is important is that she is worried/concerned/upset (i.e., reveling in the attention it garners her).

She does not disappoint. Quite the dramatic email awaiting me when I woke up and sounds like the entire family has now been put on alert.  Fortunately she can't hear on the phone so I don't have to talk to her directly,  but she did want me to phone and talk to my cousin. I am NC with all of them so nope, not going to happen.   

Anyway, shades of the past rose up but I don't feel the same sense of loss and grief I did when I had cancer and realized she was using me to get attention for herself.  I honestly started to laugh when I saw her email.  So, recovery and healing have occurred - huzzah!   

[Blueberry]

I'm glad you're in a position of healing where you can laugh about  NM!

on shades of the past not bowling you over! That's healing for you. 

[Deep Blue]

Kizzie that is absolutely incredible!
Pat on the back to you for sure. 

Your NM reminds me of Munchausen mothers.  Doing everything they can in order to get attention.  You are such a strong person to be able to get to the other side while competing with that in your childhood.  Safe  if it's ok

[Phoebes]

You're awesome, Kizzie! I'm glad you can laugh about it now, and with distance and time, I'm sure it could seem funny! I'm sorry she's like that though-you deserve a lot better.

[Kizzie]

There was a time when it was truly awful - especially that day when I had just found out I had cancer and realized she did not care about me, just what my illness brought to her.  Devastating to say the least.  I remember hitting  wall and just sobbing. 

And really it is an awful thing to have to admit to yourself that your own M does not really love you, that you are just a means to an end.  That part will never ever be remotely humorous but her antics sure are now - younger me can laugh at them now and that is healing.   

[Blueberry]

Sending wordless    and compassion. I know some of that kind of pain too. And it is dreadful.

[Sceal]

I'm happy to hear of your progression in dealing with your m's reaction to your challenges. I'm glad that you're are able to keep her at a distance and laugh at her reaction. It's truly amazing how some people "take over".

I hope you'll remain safe despite the forest-fire danger. There's alot of them all over my country, and generally all over Europe these days. It can be quite scary, so I hope everything will be good on your end!

[finallyfree]

Kizzie,
I am so happy for you regarding your being able to laugh at your  N mom! It does resonate so well with me also, all about them all the time. I have recently accepted the fact that neither of my narc parents ever loved me, it is so painful, but I think opens the door for me to heal and feel better. It is what it is! I am no contact but I hope at some point I can look back and laugh at all of their crazy, bizarre selfish behavior. I hope the widfires are not causing you anymore problems, and that you can continue to laugh at the antics your mom displays. On another note, you are such a wonderful person for always offering kind words and support and I am sincerely grateful to you and all the other moderators and friends I have come to know here. This also helps me heal. A big hug to you and yours! 

Mary Ann

[Kizzie]

Tks you for your kind words FinallyFree   

Yes, my NPDM is now (mostly) a source of amusement.  There was a day I would never have thought that possible.  I agree it seems to be at the point when you finally accept they do not love you that it becomes freeing despite how painful and hard it is. 

Re the fires, my M went from drama to radio silence I guess because so far we are not on fire.     My H got a bit annoyed with that and now sends her daily updates as to how much the fire has grown (quadrupled in size) and pictures of the fires, crews working, helicopters & planes, etc.  Anyway, he's happy and she's happy too as she's still on vacation with her side of the family and is back to  and milking it.   

As you suggest (and I so agree), "It is what it is!"