Tired of Being Isolated But Also Don't Want to Connect with Unsafe People

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ajvander86

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I met up with an old friend about a week ago out of nowhere and we had a great time.  He and I get along really well and have very similar senses of humor.  He comes from a foster home and has had to deal with all kinds of abandonment and abuse himself and it is also quite difficult for him to function at the same time, so we get each other in a deep way. 

Seeing him though I realized how isolated I have been for the last couple years.  I had to move to North Carolina from Florida a couple years ago because I wasn't able to function down there and ended up in a situation where I was living out of my car and had to move to NC to live with my Mom to get back on my feet, although I'm not sure I've ever actually been on my feet to begin with. 

I have a night job as a night auditor in a hotel which is great as far as stress goes, but I see very few people because of it.  I also uber on the side to make up for the low pay at the hotel, and this is actually helpful for me socially as I get to talk to people but not for too long. 

But I realized I feel like I've been in a prison of fear for quite some time and I'm tired of it.  Although even if I'm around people as you guys know, it doesn't mean it's going to be easy or even possible for me to really open up and form deep relationships with people.  Not to mention the fact that I tend to attract emotionally unhealthy or dysfunctional people anyway, so I am always even more distrusting with people because of that. 

I wish there was a cptsd support group face to face so we could be amongst each other and practice opening up emotionally little by little.  I don't know maybe I'll see about starting something like that in my area. 

I am hopeful however because I've started to learn and practice effective communication techniques and assertiveness (why this isn't taught to children in schools I have no idea) and I think this will help me to be able to connect with people more. 

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Gromit

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Re: Tired of Being Isolated But Also Don't Want to Connect with Unsafe People
« Reply #1 on: September 13, 2018, 01:08:19 PM »
I know what you mean about unsafe people. I've had CBT which was great because the therapist seemed to totally get where I was coming from and the frustration from dealing with unsafe people. However, validation from someone who agrees with you does not always help deal with the unsafe people.

Have you looked for an ACA or ACOA group in your area? It is for adult children of alcoholics or dysfunctional families. Sorry, I am assuming your CPTSD may be from childhood. The people in the group I attend are very welcoming, there is no wrong, people share as much or as little as feels OK and it is face to face.

It would be great if assertiveness was taught in schools but I am not sure that all teachers or parents would be comfortable with the results.

G

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Kizzie

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Re: Tired of Being Isolated But Also Don't Want to Connect with Unsafe People
« Reply #2 on: September 13, 2018, 04:01:52 PM »
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I wish there was a cptsd support group face to face so we could be amongst each other and practice opening up emotionally little by little.  I don't know maybe I'll see about starting something like that in my area.

I agree ajvander, we do need a place (other than therapy) like a face-to-face group to connect directly with others in a safe environment.  As it happens one of our members Anna Bragga (not her forum name) just started a face-to-face group called the Survivors Hub in Bedford UK and the first meeting is tonight actually. She has a blog article about the group hereif you're interested.  I know Anna would probably be open to talking with you about starting a group of your own if you're interested in going ahead with that.