A Sympathetic Therapist....*possible self sabotage trigger*

[Katarina]

All right I am not sure if I am allowed to post this (feel free to delete if not) but I get away with it in broad daylight daily so here it goes....

I struggle with a relatively socially acceptable form of self-harm (picking at wounds, creating wounds out of nothing) but it is self sabotage and self harm none the less and it is embarrassing, traumatic, a coping mechanism and all the other things that other forms of self harm get labelled.

However I have yet to find a Therapist who seems to take it seriously. Several have trivialized it. One was initially concerned but as I explained further she brushed it off as unimportant. My ex was fully aware of all of it's facets but "allowed" it to continue saying if it helped me and made me feel better then do it.

Except as many of us know while it may help us feel better in the short term in the long term the scars and wounds it leaves behind are embarrassing.

I understand why I do this but cannot seem to be able to stop because all of the people I have gone to for help don't think it's important 

I am terrified to be pretty.

Terrified.

I am quite naturally beautiful (not over the top or anything) and have struggled with this ALL my life.  Don't want to be seen as JUST a pretty face. Judged for being pretty. Excluded for being pretty. You name it I have a complex about it.

And so I self sabotage. Destroying my skin as a way to say to the world: SEE I have problems with my looks too just like everyone else.

I don't really seem to find a lot of empathy for my position 

This makes it really extra hard to talk about. As if it wasn't hard enough in the first place!

I guess what I am wondering is am I being unrealistic to hope that I would find a professional who is able to see this as an actual problem because it is a problem in my life that I'd really love some support in solving.

[Anamiame]

SI is SI.  It's the same thing as saying trichotillomania is not a problem.  It is.  Try this...try looking up a professional who specials in Trich; they would take you very seriously. 

And cudos for wanting help to end hurting yourself like this.  The scars are indeed...embarrassing....

[schrödinger's cat]

Hi Katarina! I used to self-injure too, and still do a little bit when I'm stressed out. It's what led me to realize I've got PTSD, actually. I stumbled upon an article on self-harm in a popular magazine, researched the term online, stumbled upon a list of symptoms of PTSD... but the thing I noticed first was my tendency to self-harm. So maybe I'm reading too much into what you wrote, but your text reminded me of my own experiences - the way you look at your self-harm and know intuitively that it's only the tip of a much larger iceberg. Only you've got a much clearer idea of your iceberg than I had of mine. You sound very self-aware.    I hope you'll find a good and sensible therapist soon.

[Elly]

It sounds as if your therapists have their own shadows to face, if they can't take somebody at their word as authorities of their own life experience that something like beauty is a dubious privilege.

I think it's brilliant that you know what you need, and I want to affirm that you do deserve understanding for it. When I had gone to a therapist, they talked over how I had no support system, insisting that I just needed to get out more, and what I said was, "I don't feel like you're really listening to me, so I want you to refer me to a colleague of yours who will."

It kind of reminds me of this rock star, Emilie Autumn, who's quite lovely--wrote a song about it--and self-injured as a way to warn prospective partners of her emotional instability.

[Kizzie]

Hi Katarina - I'm so glad you have had some understanding and encouraging feedback from members. Even 'milder' forms of SI represent symptoms that Ts should take seriously, especially when you are telling them it is a problem. I do hope you can find one who will really listen to you 

I didn't want to delete this thread because I'm sure it is comforting to come back to and you have had some great responses, but I have locked it so that the discussion doesn't go any further as posts about SI aren't permitted as per our guidelines. 

Again, I hope you are able to find a T who will validate you