Hi, I really understand where you’re coming from with this. Sometimes I feel so alienated like I’m with a big group of my friends but it’s like I’m in a separate zone to them and feel like I can’t connect, it’s both scary and isolating, which I know are common symptoms of cptsd.
My therapist has suggested that maybe I have too much time on my hands without enough activity to keep my brain active so in turn I’m at home thinking about what I’m not able to do and how I don’t fit in etc. She’s suggested I do one or 2 mornings volunteering work just to get me out and my mind focussed also as it’s only ‘volunteering ‘ I’m not a reliable paid member of staff and I’m the one doing them the favour so basically if it doesn’t work out I can just leave without having the pressure that I’ve got to perform well etc but at the same time hoping I’ll meet some other people that I might be able to relate to but if I can’t then it’s not a problem- about removing the pressure to do well and please people.
I think with cptsd we try too hard to fit in, almost trying to cover up what’s going on and how we are feeling so we seem ‘normal’ to everyone else. You can only be yourself so don’t give yourself the extra pressure of trying to be like them etc, we are all unique in our own ways. You were a nurse so that to me suggests you are very caring and empathetic, sometimes people like to just sit and off load, maybe that’s where your skill lies and you can just take time listening to other people and offer advice when required rather then having to ‘try’ too hard which is definitely something I do.
I don’t think you need to sell yourself, people will like ‘you’ for ‘you’ . You don’t need to be anything else, I feel maybe you are trying so hard to fit in it’s actually having the opposite effect- I speak from experience of this too.
Now I just go out and not give myself any pre conceived ideas, I’m just me and people can choose if they like me or not, if I relate well to someone then I will make extra effort with them without going over the top which I have done before and think I’ve almost come across as desperate which again can have a negative affect and turn people away. It’s good you manage to get out and do activities etc and I think friendship will come, just give it time.
Sorry, I hope you don’t think I’m giving you a lecture on what to do etc, I really don’t mean to sound like that, but I have been in that situation so many times, but now I’ve taken a step back and not tried to be so ‘desperate ‘ I find I fit in a lot more with people. It’s really tricky tho isn’t it, trying so hard is totally exhausting!
