Feelings of inferiority

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safetyinnumbers

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Feelings of inferiority
« on: August 05, 2018, 10:29:25 AM »
One thing I struggle with is feeling inferior to others, especially when there's a perceived power or financial status difference.
I grew up poor and due to my upbringing and circumstances I have not been able to improve my financial situation hugely. I avoid visiting "well to do" suburbs because I feel like I don't belong. I imagine that my clothing and appearance must make me stick out like a sore thumb and people consider me to be an outsider.
I see friends posting on social media about how fit and healthy they are and my brain automatically goes to that place of feeling less than them because I don't measure up to that standard.
I hate being like this because deep down I know that it's what's inside that really matters. I hate feeling poor but it's true. I'm still wearing clothing that I've had for up to nine years.
Is this a common thing for others with C-PTSD? How do I change?

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ah

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Re: Feelings of inferiority
« Reply #1 on: August 05, 2018, 08:09:16 PM »
Hi Safetyinnumbers,

I don't know if everyone feels this way, but I definitely feel like you. I feel really inferior to others, and whenever anyone asserts power or superiority I tend to instantly believe them even if they're making it all up.  :Idunno: it's as though I instantly surrender to them even if I know for a fact they're not the superman or superwoman they're trying to convince me they are.

I tried FB briefly but left it and never went back there for this exact reason. It isn't a good place, everyone is trying to sell some story, a made up version of themselves that just left me feeling worse.

I don't know how to change any of it (except leaving social media...) the one thing I've started doing is to notice the dynamics in a conversation when I notice myself trying to be approved and looking like some imaginary version of reality. And I just try to pay attention to that need. I think "Okay, this is silly. The person you're talking to right now isn't even seeing you, they're too busy trying to show you how amazing they are." also, I talk to people who have a hard time, and try to steer away from people who are busy portraying a perfect life. I get closer to people who are in pain or have known pain in their lives. They're more interesting, multi-layered, more mature... and sometimes I can do something to help them out and we both benefit from it in a real way.

Btw the clothes I'm wearing right now are the same ones I've had for 10 years. You're not alone. I've learned to use it as a quick, effective way to know the person in front of me. If they read far too much into my sandals or my t-shirt, I know I may not belong not because I'm not as good as them but because they're boring :whistling:

Maybe?

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Blueberry

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Re: Feelings of inferiority
« Reply #2 on: August 06, 2018, 09:58:32 PM »
One thing I struggle with is feeling inferior to others, especially when there's a perceived power ... difference.

Is this a common thing for others with C-PTSD? How do I change?

I often feel inferior especially with the perceived power difference. I don't know how common it is but I suppose it stands to reason particularly for those of us with childhood onset cptsd because it would presumably mostly be a person with power over us who caused the interpersonal trauma that so many of us have.

How to change? That's a million dollar question like: How to heal? Step by little step.

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alliematt

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Re: Feelings of inferiority
« Reply #3 on: September 22, 2018, 05:41:18 PM »
I just noticed this and I could relate to it.  I belong to a Bible study where many of the women are wealthier and have much nicer things and houses than I do.  They're also very generous in sharing what they have.  Something that has helped me specifically with "they have a nicer house than I do" is "I don't know if I want to spend the time running a house that size," and "my husband would have to work day and night to afford something like that, and I'm not so sure if I want that!"  (This group of women also, when my mother was dying and I flew down to see her for the last time, collected nearly $500 for me to cover my ticket and hotel.).

Lately, I've been struggling with a bad bout of depression and one of the ways it manifests itself is in being ashamed of my house.  I have a filthy carpet, a leaky roof, and a sliding glass door that hasn't worked in THREE YEARS and we can't afford to get it replaced.