Social anxiety etc

[samantha19]

I'm so miserable.

I'm struggling so much with normal life.

I recently decided I'd like to go back to being a student, as I'm not coping with work nor am I happy from my job despite having a good salary. The idea of studying what I love again, doing a degree, would give me some purpose and joy in life again (I think). When things were really bad I was studying what I loved. Despite what I was going through there was something great about doing that course.

The issue is I have such low self-esteem recently and my social anxiety has reached terrible levels.

I'm struggling to even ask someone for a reference, which I need for my application.

I've lost so much confidence in anything I say. Whatever I write I think it's wrong, or it might be, I'm not sure. I don't trust my own judgement to socialise properly and be polite or not weird.

I'm also aware people might judge me for leaving a career field with great opportunities to pursue something artsy which is very difficult to break into and succeed in as an industry. It's a silly worry I guess, because who cares? It's my life and I know what makes me happy and I know I could survive financially. But even silly worries are boxing me in to being silent.

My brain just isn't being my friend and I don't know what to do.

It's getting bad. I'm scared to talk to therapists about arranging counselling. I'm scared to resign my job. I'm terrified of going back to work. So, so scared and ashamed constantly. I've lost all my confidence and self-esteem and don't know what to do, or how to believe I'm okay again.

[Eyessoblue]

Hi Samantha I'm sorry to hear how you feel. I go through stages where I feel like that. I know you said you're scared about asking for help and I understand that, but this is something you really need help with. On Amazon you can buy some Cbt books which are good for helping you to change your thought pattern to help you feel more confident and regain some self esteem, they do workbooks where you can fill in each day as to how you're feeling and trying to find a positive rather then building on a negative.
I know it sounds like hard work, but it's worth giving it a go if you can. Also nlp works the same way.
I recently found a job on a job site I always wanted to do, I have all the qualifications and everything that's needed , I know I'll actually be good at the job but like you with my confidence and self esteem not being great I talked myself out of and then regretted it.
I'm working through some of these books now and trying hard to focus on knowing I'm intelligent I'm not stupid and I can do this, it is hard but the more you give yourself positive affirmations the more your brain will re adjust.
Hopefully then you can reach out and ask for some professional help, it's so hard and painful trying to do this on your own, if you could have the help of a therapist then it would really help you get through this difficult time. I hope this may help you and you can start to move forward- One day at a time, don't rush yourself you will get there.

[Kizzie]

Hi Sam - sorry to hear you're going through a rough time right now. 

I'm with ESB, I did some Cognitive Behavioural Therapy to help with my social anxiety & Inner Critic/Fearmonger and it helped quite a bit. There are lots of workbooks as ESB suggests, online courses (e.g., https://www.learntolive.com/), and online support groups (e.g., https://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/).

I also found workbooks and books on self-compassion very useful to get my IC to calm down and let my Inner Nurturer come to the surface. 

Hope this helps, it's tough I know.     - rooting for you.   

[Luke57]

Hi Samantha,

I am a new member and have spent the past several days reading some of the topics and discussions. I totally relate to how you are feeling at this time ( when you made your post ). I have been where you are at many times in my life. It is a very painful place to be and I always feel like there is no way out of my fear. I have great difficulty talking to anyone about my situation because I think no one will understand me and/or will think I'm some kind of weird hermit, who is not fit for society ... which is exactly the way I feel about myself.


I now realize that I feel this way because of what I was taught as a child and because of the abuse and abandonment I was subjected to throughout my childhood. I do my best these days to accept who I am without judgement and without putting pressure on myself
to be like everybody else. We are all, each one of us, unique human beings and our uniqueness is what makes us special. There are some days I do much better with these new ideas than other days. But on days that I am able to embrace myself and these ideas I feel a great freedom and aliveness. On those days I don't care whether I'm the life of the party or sitting on a park bench all by myself.


I still don't have close friends and I often struggle with my low self-esteem. On my good days, I realize its all okay because that's who I am. Samantha, thank you for being the special, unique person that you are. Thank you for having the courage to share your pain on this forum. Your current experience helps me to relate, to not feel so all alone and to realize their are others who experience the same feelings I do. We're all in this together. I have confidence that everything will work out well for you and I hope you will share with us your progress and your struggles.

[Boatsetsailrose]

Luke 57
Such a lovely, kind and helpful post thank you
Samantha 19 I relate I really do you are not alone and we find a piece each day to help us heal no matter how small...
Mindfulness and meditation really help me and I would recommend finding a mindfulness practice group and or using the headspace app

[Rainagain]

For me the nightmares aren't really under control, they get worse when I'm extra stressed and ease when I'm not.

I think they have a function, if I'm very stressed I will have nightmares but the next day the origin of the stress will be less provoking, I often see the cause as being less dangerous than I initially thought.
This can take a few days (nights) to work through.

Accepting them as part of a necessary process helps me with them, a little bit.

If I could stop getting anxious over so much I might reduce the nightmares.