Taking Up Real Estate

[Kizzie]

I came across an article titled 11 Things not to do with Narcissists that struck home for me.  For the most part I am pretty good at dealing with them except for one thing - Don't take their actions personally.

Narcissists take advantage of anybody they can. They may treat those closest to them especially negatively, but few are immune from a narcissist's put-downs and manipulations. If you take what they do personally, you grant them extra real estate in your mind and psyche – which is exactly what narcissists want. Mistreatment by narcissists is painful and wrong, but narcissists target anyone who happens across their path. It's not personal. It is just what they do.

Since Trump got into power I (and millions unfortunately) have been subjected daily to the behaviour that brought me to this forum in the first place and it has been incredibly difficult.  The one line "If you take what they do personally, you grant them extra real estate in your mind and psyche" stood out for me as this is exactly what has been going on and why I am stuck.  His behaviour constantly grates on that part of me that is understandably angry and hurt by my family's behaviour toward me.

I went NC/LC with my family but Trump just blots out the sun and it is nearly impossible to get away from his chaos, gaslighting, etc. I have felt trapped since he came into power in the US (and I'm not even American!), and having to hear on an almost hourly basis about his extreme NPD behaviour.   

I am heeding the articles cautionary note "Do not underestimate the power of narcissism."  Feeling trapped in an ongoing abusive situation is a large reason for the development Complex PTSD. I understand I need to do something about how I've been feeling for far too many months now so I am going back to therapy again next week to see if I work on the anger & hurt that's obviously still unresolved (i.e., I think this is the reason I have granted Trump's behaviour so much real estate in my mind & heart).

[Elphanigh]

Kizzie as a female, gay, american I get your hurt and anger on so many levels. His very existence threatens me and my life style every day. It is truly difficult not to let hin take up real estate, that is put perfectly.

I am glad you are going back to therapy and truly hope it helps work through some of this.

Thank you for sharing and being open about how this affects you. It helps to know I'm not alone in this 

[Kizzie]

Honestly Elph I can't imagine being a US citizen right now and one of the many, many groups of human beings in your country that his behaviour is affecting so directly.      I would be out marching & protesting all the time if I lived there, and honestly I think that would help as I feel helpless & hopeless that there isn't much I can actually DO here in Canada.  I do tweet about the damage his behaviour is causing on the OOTS Twitter feed and that has been really satisfying I must say - just wish I could do more. 

You are definitely not alone though - so many of us around the word are affected - Trump's reception in the UK for example.  In the US there's a group of psychologists who have a "Duty to Warn" campaign going - you might want to check it out - https://www.adutytowarn.org/.

[Elphanigh]

Kizzie, you help by posting all of that. Any media bringing attention to it is great. As far as protesting, I do take part when possible. He was in my city about 3 weeks ago and we ended up in the protest that was like two blocks from my apartment.

His rally was at an event space about three or four blocks from where I live. Knowing he (and his vp)  were close to my safe space, and in a city I consider home was really unsettling. So being active in it helped. It is utterly frustrating to be living here and watching the affect it has on the rest of the world. Mant of us see what is happening and do what we can to stop it. Sadly it has not yet been enough and his VP would be worse than him for a lot of reasons.

Thank you for sharing that site. I had no idea that existed.

[Blueberry]

Kizzie, good self-care in going back to therapy when triggered for months on end by narc Trump! I hope the T is helpful for  you. 

[Kizzie]

Tks BB, I hope so too.  Can't seem to get a handle on it so time to see if a trauma T can help.