What's your best piece of advice for romantic relationships?

[waterbuffalo]

Hi everyone, this is my first post.  I was wondering, what is your best piece of advice for having a good romantic relationship with CPTSD?   

I was also wondering....
How do you support your partner when they support you through trauma?
How do you draw the line between not wearing them down with your pain, but also expressing yourself?
How do you manage feelings of fear and mistrust if they trigger you?

[Wattlebird]

Hi waterbuffalo
It's hard work, communication and trust are essential to a good relationship, but these are usually highly problematic to the cptsd sufferer.
I've worked out i need to keep showing my partner I love them with deeds, words, touch, etc (the 5 love languages is good at teaching some of this)  when my partner feels loved he is much more patient with me emotionally, and much less insecure.
I often feel I shouldn't have to keep reassuring him but I understand my messed up brain gives off mixed messages
Having more than one person you can talk too helps spread the load around.
I don't know how to manage fear and mistrust I'm still working that out
Good luck

[Kizzie]

HI and a warm welcome to OOTS WaterBuffalo     Here's a few things I'd suggest:

Show your partner you love and respect them them, especially when there's conflict.  Times of conflict tend to be when we get stuck in fight, flight or freeze mode so we need to work at staying present and communicating.  (And it's just as important expect your partner to do the same.)  There's a good handout by Pete Walker called "Tools for Lovingly Resolving Conflict" you might find helpful.

Work together to understand what is Complex PTSD and how it affects you as individuals and a family. In other words, become a trauma informed couple/family.  There's an information sheet about that  here. 

We all do better when we have multiple sources of support and different perspectives.  Coming here will hopefully be helpful for you and your partner may want to consider a group or counseling as well so he has a place to express himself and support from others who are partners.  You'll see on the handout for families about CPTSD there is an online group for partners run by Heather Tuba that might be something for him to consider. 

Hope some of this is helpful   

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