Worrying about my brothers

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Sasha

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Worrying about my brothers
« on: August 21, 2018, 11:52:30 AM »
My mother visiting has brought up a lot of feelings about our overall family dynamic. I wish I could talk to my older brother but we are all very traumatised and he has expressed he is now NC with my middle brother, who has severe mental health problems (as a result fo our abuse, I feel) and I feel like he has gone NC with me, which I don't understand but hope that it is for his own healing, as maybe I am asking for support that he can't give, or maybe it is just to painful for him to hear how unstable things can be for me at times, ie "moving house again" - nothing too major. I have been a ver caring figure for everyone in my family, and have helped all of my brothers at different times in very big ways so it is hard to feel everyone so far away and not in touch.

My youngest brother feels like my baby as I cared a lot for him when I was around 7 years old myself and used to protect him from violence from other family members, and he had a road accident yesterday and called me. I spoke to him in the reassuring way I always do, but wish I was closer to give him a big hug. We all live hundreds of miles apart and are not that old or far apart in age. It all feels so sad. At the end of last year my middle brother had a psychotic breakdown that I dealt with alone, willingly at first (as this had been my parent role) and then I asked for assistance after it became apparent he was very unwell, and I felt frightened. My mother did not come to help despite me saying I could not cope, and I ended up calling the police and an ambulance one night after looking after him for three days on my own - helping him cross the road, and witnessing as he was fully dissociated, experiencing different personalities and speaking aggressively to voices he was hearing.

My mum drove through the night after I has to call the emergency services, and from there on it just got worse, and he ended up voluntarily sectioned until he disappeared after the 72 hours was up. My relationship with him is destroyed now. He unfortunately believes that I tried to trap him and poison him, when I did everything I could to try to help, including taking him into my home. He kicked down my front door whilst he was here and the relationship with my neighbours broke down after this, leading to me being aggressively forced out of my home.

I feel a deep root of neglect for us all this year, since what happened with my brother. I feel like we are fractured as a family, and have been forever, just that the features are turning into deep ravines. I have tried to hold us together but I am forced to let go know, as my strength is incredibly depleted. I feel traumatised, exhausted and depressed. I worry for them all but I don't know what to do.

I miss my brothers.  :'( xxx

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Jdog

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Re: Worrying about my brothers
« Reply #1 on: August 21, 2018, 01:03:52 PM »
Hi, Sasha-

Your story about family dynamics made me very sad.  You did not say whether you, yourself, have any supports - do you have a therapist or similar professional in whom to trust?  This situation is more than one person can handle alone.  You are a caretaker, and that role is wearing you out and may take a toll on your own health. 

Please take care of yourself, and know that it can never be your job to “fix” the broken links in t(e family.  You can only be true to yourself.  If you have practices which help you to be grounded, use them.  Art, music, exercise, meditation, etc. 

Thanks for reaching out, and know that lots of folks on this forum send you hugs and support. :grouphug:

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Blueberry

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Re: Worrying about my brothers
« Reply #2 on: August 21, 2018, 06:53:36 PM »
Please take care of yourself, and know that it can never be your job to “fix” the broken links in t(e family.  You can only be true to yourself.  If you have practices which help you to be grounded, use them.  Art, music, exercise, meditation, etc. 

Thanks for reaching out, and know that lots of folks on this forum send you hugs and support. :grouphug:

 :yeahthat:

I also read some of your posts about having your mother to visit atm. It sounds really tough and a lot to be going through.

I have a pretty difficult relationship with my mother. It took me a long time to start setting limits. It was very difficult for me to begin with. The whole family dynamic is against me doing this. I'm now VLC with my mother and everybody else tbh, it's the only way to save myself and my well-being a bit.