Started Back to Therapy Today - Trying EMDR Again

[Blueberry]

  

[Kizzie]

So I had another EMDR session on Thurs and am happy (and relieved) to say I did not have an EF this time either.     I didn't even come home and pass out like the first time and no headache 

I seem to be regaining the distance I had from all things NPD as this was another week of chaos & abuse by Trump and his cronies but I didn't dissociate nor did I feel the same amount of deep hopelessness, helplessness and depression I had been for the last year and a half.  It's like I have actually gained some objectivity/distance back thru the EMDR instead of feeling like I am trapped and being abused by NPD behaviour all over again.  All I felt was anger at how badly a powerful person with NPD  (& his minions) are treating survivors of SA.

BTW, read a great article this morning about maintaining mental health & well-being in the face of Trump's behaviour here - https://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2018/07/27/inside-the-mind-of-donald-trump-219074. 

[Elphanigh]

Yay  So very glad to hear it is going well!

[Blueberry]

  for your progress!

[Luke57]

Hi kizzie, I'm very encouraged to hear that EMDR is going so well for you. Its great to hear that the "Trump triggers" aren't having as much of a powerful effect on you as they have in the past. Congrats on overcoming a major hurdle. ( And thanks for the link to the article about DT. )

I wish you peace and growing strength in both your work and recovery. Luke

[Kizzie]

I hesitated in writing about this but in the interests of being accurate/up front I decided to go ahead.  So I am now having some difficulty with anxiety, something that has not been an issue for me for a very long time.

I do still feel like I have distance from the whole Trump matter and I don't feel the same helplessness, hopelessness, powerlessness and depression I had been feeling.  However, I have started having this underlying feeling like something bad is going to happen. It's not an EF, it's more like anxiety and feeling off somehow, but there is nothing I can pin it down to or new that has happened other than the EMDR.   

I don't go again until next week and will have a talk with my T as I am concerned the EMDR has tapped into too much again.

[Elphanigh]

Thank you for sharing openly Kizzie. I really hope you can calm the anxiety and ground. Also that your T has ideas about it.   

[Blueberry]

  

[Three Roses]

 

[Kizzie]

Tk you, hugs always help 

[sanmagic7]

i hope your t will help you get grounded and calmed.  thanks for your honesty.  is there a way you can contact her before your next session?  there is a technique called the butterfly hug that many t's will teach/show their clients to be able to use for themselves between sessions if they experience anxiety.  it's very simple and i've used it on myself.  very relaxing and calming.

i'm glad some of the other stuff has settled a bit for you.  hopefully, your t will go more slowly with you so you won't get overwhelmed.  best to you, kizzie.  love and loads of hugs to you.   

[Libby183]

I'm sorry to hear that you have been suffering from an increased level of anxiety,  Kizzie.  This is exactly what I found after emdr.  It built and built after the sessions stopped, and never before has it felt so physical.  In the past,  my anxiety was more in my thoughts,  but after treatment,  it was much more physical.  In fact, it was like my whole body,  every nerve was over reacting all the time,  to every thing around me, and to every thought in my head. So awful,  in fact,  that I took mirtazipine for ten days, which, in turn,  made me about a hundred times more anxious again. I stopped it and am doing better now.

I stopped posting here because I didn't want to be negative about medication and treatment that might be of huge value to others. What did help, however, was that the huge feeling of anger towards my parents,  and to a small extent, the emdr therapist, led me to break nc and phone my parents and tell them how much I truly hated them. I have never done this, but their reaction and my subsequent emotions,  showed me that I was right to hate them, should not feel shame and guilt, and above all, I really felt for my inner child who had been so hurt by them.

So I wonder if bringing this intense anxiety to the surface, that had been so deeply buried for so long,  was actually a necessary part of healing.  Since this, I have felt so much better,  and have made some real strides in recovery.

Perhaps these negative phases are part of the process, but I remain concerned that doctors and therapists are prescribing medication and treatments that aren't fully understood.

Good luck with your next session. 

Libby.

[Hope67]

So I wonder if bringing this intense anxiety to the surface, that had been so deeply buried for so long,  was actually a necessary part of healing.  Since this, I have felt so much better,  and have made some real strides in recovery.

Hi Libby - I just wanted to comment on what you said here  - I am glad that you were able to do this, and that you feel better for it.    to you Libby. 


I hope I'm not hijacking this thread by saying this, as I've not read the rest of the thread at all - just saw that you'd been here Libby, and I wanted to say how pleased I feel to see you're making some "real strides in recovery" - I've missed you!

Hope 

[Elphanigh]

From my experience with Emdr, the first bit did bring about anxiety and added emotions for a while. Especially when I was only seeing my T once every two weeks. Like going that long let the feelings fester and that was unhealthy for me personally. With time emdr helped me process the source of the anxiety and the coping skills we built for month ahead of time truly helped me control the anxiety in a healthy way. That being said everyone is different, and every T is different.  Trauma recovery is definitely not a one size fits all sort of experience as we all know way to well.

Just wanted to send lots of encouragement and stop by to see if it has been getting better. Sitting with you 

[Kizzie]

Tks everyone for your support and ideas    My H and I are on another weekend road trip seeing the last of the fall colours so will answer once I'm back home.