Re: Blueberry's Next Steps: beneficial, constructive and mindful

[Blueberry]

I slipped on Thursday and did something to my foot and ankle. Hours later it was so painful I almost cried. It's not broken and is much better today. I can walk about. I don't want to cycle yet. Yesterday and the day before it seemed to be affecting my brain too. I couldn't really concentrate properly or read much on here. I passed on the moderating to Kizzie ;

I realised while I was away on retreat that the mice problem was certainly exacerbated by my feeling overburdened in general. Now I would feel better able to tackle. Fortunately I don't seem to have to.

[Jdog]

 

[Deep Blue]

Sorry to hear about your ankle Blueberry.  In the states, we say to RICE those kinds of injuries:
R= rest
I= ice
C= compression
E= elevation
Good self care to pass off some of the mod work while you are healing.  Take care and get well soon

[Jdog]

Blueberry- my cheers weee certainly not about the painful ankle, but rather in response to your great job cleaning house.  I missed the second post about the ankle.  Do take care of yourself, and yes, the R.I.C.E. Method seems to work well.

Here's a hug from one limping person to another!

[Hope67]

Hi Blueberry,
Sorry to hear about your ankle - that sounds horribly painful - and I hope you will be able to rest and recuperate.
Hope 

[Blueberry]

My ankle and foot aren't so bad actually. It seemed a 24 hour thing. The only thing is: it's telling me I need to do something about that leg, i.e. strengthen it. Since I have an allergic reaction to "must" as well as sport of any kind, more especially in combination with "must", this is going to be interesting, putting it mildly.

[Blueberry]

Blueberry- my cheers weee certainly not about the painful ankle, but rather in response to your great job cleaning house.  I missed the second post about the ankle.  Do take care of yourself, and yes, the R.I.C.E. Method seems to work well.

Here's a hug from one limping person to another!

No worries, Jdog.

___________________________________

I have come back on here because I can now feel myself hopping mad towards the friend I finally sent a response to today. It's something I've felt anger towards my parents about too. It's being expected to drop everything and cater to them first. Before myself, before other people who are maybe waiting for a response from me. I intended to send one of the Littles in FOO a present over 6 months ago. Have I? No. He doesn't know about it. I've been intending to send both of my godchildren this or that for a while. Have I? No. I've been intending to do kazillions of things for myself. Have I done them? No. In some cases I've started some of these projects, but not moved further. But somehow friend T.B. thinks her stuff has priority.

I admit we had very frequent phone and email contact at the time things went awry in our friendship. I am ashamed to say that at the time I thought it was almost like a relationship without the physical stuff. A kind of platonic relationship. We were and are both single, so those semi-daily phone calls were maybe in place of something neither of us has or had. Then it became clear how much she was expecting of me, despite knowing what state I'm generally in, and how little she was really willing to give in return.

[Three Roses]

Then it became clear how much she was expecting of me, despite knowing what state I'm generally in, and how little she was really willing to give in return.

Still having problems transferring thoughts to words so I'll just say    and a  for you.

[Blueberry]

Thank you 3R! 

Since writing that above, I've written a little letter to one of my godchildren and am in the middle of writing to the other one, but needed some more paper and came into the vicinity of my computer to get it. I also checked my emails (waiting for a business one) which isn't easy when I've just sent off an email in which I'm sticking up for myself. I tend to expect an onslaught in return, though I don't actually have to read a response till I'm ready.

[Blueberry]

It has taken me a long time to get moving today - to get out of bed. Once I remembered an old saying of mine and interpreted it for today, I was able to get up.

If the answer isn't 'definitely yes', then the answer is 'no'! I could go up to the farm this evening but I would have to go by train and cycle the last 5 km, instead of cycling the whole way. I'm not up to cycling the whole way. I was feeling kind of guilty about not going. But what is that guilt about? They gave me some money recently. I actually objected to the amount but two different people on the farm explained why it was appropriate. But if it's anybody's idea that they can manipulate me into going when I don't feel able, that's their problem. I don't actually think that's what their doing, that's just how an internal bit in me reacts.

Maybe yesterday, maybe the day before I was berating myself as usual "all that money for an intensive therapy weekend and you're back to lying around doing 'nothing' ". I realised today that it has possibly just lasted a bit longer for me to start putting in those healing steps instigated at therapy weekend and then that is all the more reason to stay at home and do things here! That includes resting my foot and/or doing little exercises with it, but also bit by bit things I've been putting off doing. Some of that is very basic self-care and some of it other things I've been putting off for months.

[Deep Blue]

I tend to expect an onslaught in return, though I don't actually have to read a response till I'm ready.

Excellent point blueberry.    you don't have to read any response till you are ready.  Very smart my dear

[Blueberry]

I added a small comment to the blog article. My SH impulse is way up. In fact there are some hairs on the floor now.

Something that struck me in the article is that you can feel guilt at lack of attachment to a child. I don't think I love my godson. I like him, but I don't feel a huge deep attachment. His mother assumes I do. I once wrote on the forum about not doing so and someone who is no longer a mbr negated my feeling with "I'm sure you really do." Well, I'm not sure I do and the blog shows me I might not be totally alone here. I have less SH impulse writing here than on the blog.

[Three Roses]

I want to validate your feelings, and also mention we don't choose who we love. It either happens or it doesn't. You care about him and that's enough. ♥️

[sanmagic7]

i can totally relate to those expectations of others to 'do it now!', dropping everything to take care of them, what they want.  i remember thinking, when i was very sick for so long, that i was almost afraid to get well cuz those expectations would come out again.  if i stayed sick, no one expected anything of me.  if i got well. i'd have to start saying 'no' and deal with their responses.

i hope you can take the time you need w/o any of those 'shoulds' or 'musts' getting any farther in your way.  those retreats can be intense and need time for processing.  and, blueberry, i don't think there's any law that says you have to love anyone.  sending love to you, tho.  i think you're the cat's pajamas. 

[Blueberry]

You care about him and that's enough. ♥️

Oh, wow! This is like on the therapy retreat where I'm standing there saying "Really?? Novel idea. I'd never known that before!" I'm being quite serious, not a tiny bit of facetiousness. So thank you for pointing that out to me and also for your validation. It means a whole lot!