Re: Blueberry's Next Steps: beneficial, constructive and mindful

[Blueberry]

san, that "do it now thing" is so engrained in me that recently when a FOO mbr merely suggested I do something, I was about to leap up and do it, when all my energy melted away. I remarked on that to T who pointed out that FOO mbr hadn't even given an order, it was a mere suggestion. I don't have to act on it and I'm not going to, but it really slowed down what I was intending to do - send a little letter to my FOO godchild.

I feel atm like "Does this stuff ever end??!?"  "This stuff" being realisations and problems. A seemingly long string of Very Difficult Days. Not really that long, just feels that way, which means it is an EF.

I really should have a shower and wash my hair though. It will make so many other things today easier, like teaching, for which I earn money.

[Blueberry]

I taught and I feel better for it. one foot in front of the other, keep going.

[Three Roses]

 

[sanmagic7]

you go, sweetie.  one foot in front of the other counts!  love and hugs

[Blueberry]

Going to bed too late = tossing and turning = no sleeping. I decided to get up instead. Before I did so I did a round of EFT on "I love and accept myself even if I can't sleep" and I stopped doing SH, which I'd been doing on and off all night. So try and remember that one: instead of pulling hair out, tap all those spots on my head and face and hand while repeating that I love and accept myself.

Well, I want to continue doing some tidying and cleaning in my office since a potential client is coming today for the first time. Whose idea was that?? Mine of course. Client at 9 am. Brilliant. Not. 

[Hope67]

Just popping by to say I'm thinking of you Blueberry - I know you have your potential new client at 9am, and I hope it's going ok. 
Sorry to hear that you didn't sleep so well last night though - good to hear your EFT was helpful.
to you, Blueberry.
Hope 

[Jdog]

Here's hoping your new client helped you find new energy for this day.

[Blueberry]

Thanks Jdog and Hope. I felt more positive after the new client. She asked me to teach her the local language, which is not my native one. I'd been thinking that I can't do it, but now seeing the huge difference between her command of the language and mine, I can certainly take her on short-term. So that's good.

Today I had somebody in to help me with cleaning. She's from the Local Exchange Trading Society. I intend to use up my points there with things like cleaning which I put off. Then I'll leave LETS. But I do want to use up all my points first. Now I feel so exhausted. Rushing around clearing and tidying so somebody could clean and then just having somebody in to clean tires me as well every time. I'm then really glad the person goes again, though I'm obviously really grateful for the help. So now I'm exhausted. It's just the way it is.

[sanmagic7]

i remember that happening with me as well when i was in mexico.  we'd have someone come in, i'd have to explain what i wanted done in spanish, lots of thinking and gesturing - it WAS exhausting!  still, it's kind of nice to have someone do the dirty work, so to speak.  i'm just glad you have some points to put in that direction, and that you're using them.  good for you.  and you deserve a rest after that.

keep taking care of you as best you can, ok?  glad you have a new client that made you feel better.  i agree, that's a good thing.   love and hugs to you.

[Blueberry]

I note now that when I come on the forum, I sort of squint at all the New or Updated Topics and really don't want to read them all. I don't actually even have to read them all as Mod, but I notice maybe a spot of OOTS fatigue. I have just written one of my monster long posts, but I'm feeling less like writing on here as well. I think both are really positive changes for me. (Oops, just did some SH. What was that about? Mentioning a "positive change.") Nonetheless, maybe beginning to use OOTS less as a sounding board and moving on a little more with "doing" irl? If that's happening, it's because I'm ready for it.

I will still post, I will still moderate, but something seems to be shifting. 

[Deep Blue]

To say I'm impressed would be such an understatement.  That's such great self awareness and may I also throw in a 

That's the goal isn't it? Do get to a point where we feel growth? That's fantastic.  Great job blueberry

[Blueberry]

 Thanks Deep Blue! Ahem, I am back to writing on here today, but I'm also feeling quite a bit of growth

[Blueberry]

This is something I came across just today and copying in here so as not to hijack. Thanks goblinchild 

I think there's just more stuff to work through when there's significant baggage in a relationship. Both people have to be really good at communication and being aware about what they're feeling. I think in these relationships and any others with a lot of baggage you will find points in the relationship where the baggage is difficult to work through and the questions of "is this worth it" or "can we even fix this" might come up. Those are very personal questions! The answer is no for a lot of people. You have to decide at some point where the line is, and more importantly, why the line is. There's something that makes this person and this relationship worth fighting for to you. Make sure it's genuine. Remember, there's no shame in finding that point and realizing that the struggle isn't worth it for that particular relationship.

Replace 'relationship' with 'friendship' and this is the sort of stuff I'm going through and deciding with respect to friends. Some of my IRL friends / no-longer friends also have a lot of baggage and it has got to the point where I've had to sadly say "No, thanks." Or sometimes no-longer friends have done so towards to me.

[sanmagic7]

been there, done that - seems that as we progress in recovery, the stuff that we tolerated in our relationships/friendships just isn't viable for us anymore.  i'm amazed sometimes as to what i've allowed in my life, which is why my circle of friends has diminished greatly, and i don't miss them at all.  funny how that works - at one time i didn't think i could get along without them.

congrats on your progress, too, bb.  that's so great.  hmmm . .  what was that hair doing on the ground just as you wrote something positive?  love and hugs, sweetie.

[Blueberry]

been there, done that - seems that as we progress in recovery, the stuff that we tolerated in our relationships/friendships just isn't viable for us anymore.  i'm amazed sometimes as to what i've allowed in my life, which is why my circle of friends has diminished greatly, and i don't miss them at all.  funny how that works - at one time i didn't think i could get along without them.

You too, hm? Then I'm definitely on the road to recovery It is funny about not missing the friends much or at all. This last particular friend, I had phone contact with ther several times a week, and then all of a sudden this and that happened, I reverted to email to try and clear up the problems, that didn't work. Baggage is baggage apparently in this case. And now I'm getting on pretty well without this old friend. A year ago it would've been unthinkable. I feel stronger because of this realisation too. I hope it's similar for you too, san

Thanks for all your encouragement and validation.

hmmm . .  what was that hair doing on the ground just as you wrote something positive? 

hmm .. at least I mindfully noticed