I had a little breakthrough in understanding today, which is beneficial.
Just after Horrendous FOO Event no. 2 it occurred to me out of the blue that the word for my sibs' treatment of me at the Event was "callous". Back home I was trying to explain that to a few people, but in my day-to-day working language if I back-translate the word for "callous", it's "unfeeling". For me there's a definite difference between "callous" and "unfeeling". "Callous" is worse, there's something about it that's more actively nasty but I could never really put my finger on it.
Then it kind of hit me this evening: what my sibs and in fact most adults in FOO (excepting one SIL basically) were exuding was various degrees of "it's only Blueberry, she doesn't matter. " That may be unfeeling, but it's also callous. Most of them hadn't seen me for 4 years and wouldn't be likely to again - even from their perspective - for another couple at least. But that apparently didn't matter because it was only me. They probably thought they could go back to what contact had been before Horrendous Event, which included occasional phone calls and 'normal' things like Xmas cards or contact from me to my nieces and nephews (all small). They were wrong though. I decided on very low contact and I'm sticking to that.
Some theoretical person following my 'story' on here might ask: "What's new there? BB has said all that before." Answer: The context in which this all occurred to me - I was ruminating on this thing with a friend that I've written about here
http://cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=9265.0 and also on the Blog as a question to Pete Walker. I don't think she's callous the way most FOO mbrs are towards me but there seems to have been a "my stuff more important than BB's stuff" going on as well as an inability to understand my pov and inability to make any compromise before it was
too late. With this friend, I feel burn-out. Yes, it would've been good if I had been able to set limits earlier than I did, but I'm still in my healing process (so is my friend) and I wasn't able to. So I need a long, long break from contact with her - time to heal basically, and then see if there's much left to say, or how can we pick up the friendship and move forwards? Or can we at all? At the moment I can't. So I won't. Giving myself and a whole host of other topics in my life priority, whereas up until about 6 months ago I was putting her above many topics in my life. Mistake. Big mistake. Another bit of progress: I'm not giving myself a hard time about this

It's all part of my healing process, that's all.