Dealing with Dad's comments

[Charlotte]

I have a question.  My dad is an alcoholic, who knows that he is and that it's the reason I and his other kids struggle so much.  So he makes jokes and comments around me that try to 'normalize' his drinking, like - my cocktail is my drug of choice.... like maybe I'll see it differently and it will change how awful it was for me.  It doesn't help that my siblings seem to deal with their stress better than I do and still drink.  So, what is a good response to myself about his comments?  Your thoughts are very welcome. 

[Kizzie]

My F was an alcoholic and I understand when you are in that position it's not very funny at all, it hurts. When your F makes jokes around you he is invalidating that, trying to make you the one with the problem ("You're so sensitive"  Can't you just have a little fun?" or whatever).

FWIW I would just keep tell myself something along the lines of "Drinking is not funny, it really hurts me and I will not let him or the rest of my siblings invalidate the way I feel."

Hope this helps 

[schrödinger's cat]

Hi Charlotte! Uh... not sure what would be good response per se. But basically, your experiences are your own. No one else has ownership of them, or authority over them. They're entirely and fully your territory. So if someone else wants to decide what is or isn't funny to you... or what is or isn't hard to bear... then eh, nice try, but it's not something they legitimately get to do. That's all yours.

The way I see it, it's like having a piano stuck in the staircase of the house you rent your flat in. It's someone else's piano. They lugged it up there, then left it there. Maybe they couldn't figure out how to shift it, or they couldn't be bothered. Either way, it's stuck between your door and the way out of the house. So each and every time you leave the house, you have to climb over that bloody piano. It's in your way. You're having to deal with the consequences daily, in many ways. And it's preventing you from doing things that would otherwise be easy - like carrying your shopping home, or inviting friends.

Then picture your thoughtless piano-neighbour from upstairs telling you: "Aren't you glad that my piano is stuck in the hall? That way, we can have music whenever we want it!" - nudging you and expecting you to join in the joke.

[Butterfly]

It's not fun when they turn the tables and their bad behavior is something they expect you to wink at and accept. Good illustration Cat.

[Charlotte]

Thanks for the sharing. Feeling supported.    It really doesn't feel good to 'climb over that piano', actually it is very painful.  For some reason, it is especially hard right now to think about being away from my FOO (who appear very wonderful from the outside) even though they traumatized me.  The upside is that there is a lot of genuine love and beauty that is mine.  Thanks to the people here, I think paying close attention to my WIC is the right thing to do.  But with support.