I said that I don't want an s.o. and then a friend who's expressed an interest in dating contacted me. I did go ahead and call and would like to start talking more, but it was triggering. I felt so nervous calling him when before I didn't. Just the fact I know he's "interested" has made me nervous. On the other hand he has always been a kind man and a gentleman so I don't want to brush him off. The good thing is that I know I'm not ready for much so a slowly evolving friendship would be great with a potential for more if he's good for me...we'll see.
In the past I would have jumped in feet first without thinking. He's interested, potential bf, I'm in! So I know that I've made progress and am now cautious like this activity suggests.
This makes me think about the fact that starting or ending a relationship needs to be thought about and approached carefully. I'd never thought about it as a "big decision."
Ana, sounds like you've found a wise solution with your s.o. Simply limit contact.
I also remember when my mom considered divorcing my dad after her mother died. She didn't because she knew it was bad timing for a big decision. I always secretly wished my parents would divorce. A big part of my trauma was witnessing my dad's verbal/emotional abuse of my mom on a daily basis. He was always yelling and insulting her. I haven't seen much about how that can traumatize but I think it does. It's quite frightening for a child, then "normal" which is maybe worse.
They're both somewhat more appropriate when the other is not around, and maybe they'd "find" themselves then, but it's not going to happen.