Deep Blue’s searching for balance journal

[Three Roses]

We are here, supporting you. All you have to do is think of us, we are only a thought away. 

[Deep Blue]

Helpless hopeless

Back throbbing and it's messing with my willpower. I used alcohol last night to cope...

2 days... 2 days left

[MoonBeam]

Hi Deep Blue. I'm new to posting, but I've been reading entries for a bit now. Over the last few months your words have encouraged and inspired me, and I want to say that to you even more so now, as I see the pain you are in and let you know how much I understand the struggle of just getting through.  Sometimes getting through is all we've got, and in that it's a victory.

I'm thinking of you and sending good thoughts and strength.

[Deep Blue]

MoonBeam,
Thanks, I feel honored that one of your earliest posts was on my journal.  Your words really help... they just do.

I'm glad my words have helped and thanks for not leaving me alone on my island.  I wish I had more in me to thank you properly. (Hope this is ok for now) 

[Hope67]

Hi Deep Blue,
Sending you my thoughts and hoping you're ok -    Thinking of you. 
Hope 

[Deep Blue]

Thanks Hope,
I was full on going to get an anxiety attack and then was able to reach out to a forum friend and just the give and take was enough to bring me back down from it.

Still struggling with severe body memories and not much sleep but am trying to fight again

[MoonBeam]

Thanks so much Deep Blue. That was a perfectly proper thank you.  Hang in there.  Big hugs, if that's ok.

[Not Alone]

Deep Blue, not sure with different time zones, but I believe this is a really difficult day for you. Before I got out of bed, my thoughts were of you and I prayed for you. You are cared for. You are a precious person. 

[Hope67]

Hi Deep Blue,
I am thinking of you today - as I know it's a difficult date for you.  But I hope you know that you are cared for - and that you are in my thoughts today - sending you a gentle hug, if that's ok 
Hope 

[Deep Blue]

Notalone and Hope,
You are right... the day is today 

[Not Alone]

Sending tenderness and compassion to you.

[Jdog]

Sending you many warm thoughts and wishes for healing, Deep Blue.  Your nerd of a feather is right beside you!

[Deep Blue]

Thank goodness the anniversary is over.   I only had 2 nightmares about it last night.  That's so much better than what it was the days prior.

The body memories are much less too.  I'l think the body memories were down by about 50% this afternoon and now I'd say they are starting to leave. It's more of a dull ache now and not the spasming sharp pains they were before.

I turned to drinking to get me through this anniversary... I'm embarrassed by that... but at least I made it through without SH.  That's the first time I have ever done that.

Thanks to you all so much.  So many times I felt lost and in pain and I was able to turn to this forum. I was able to read the words you wrote and it allowed me to ground. It reminded me what was real... What was now...
Indebted to you all 

[Hope67]

Hi Deep Blue,
Glad you got through this, and especially that you made it through without SH - and I want to send you a gentle hug (if that's ok) and say I'm glad you slept a bit better last night, with less nightmares.  I hope this continues to be the case and you get some peace. 
Hope 

[Jdog]

Despite drinking, which is certainly something I have done in the past in order to cope with painful feelings, you have been victorious over the past, dear friend.  Great job!  And no SH!  Hurray!