"It's always my fault."

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alliematt

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"It's always my fault."
« on: September 22, 2018, 01:31:35 PM »
These are the feelings I've been having lately.  It's always my fault.  It's never the fault of the other person.  No matter what I do, say, or think , it doesn't matter.  I am the one who always has to apologize.  I'm supposed to listen to others but no one has to listen to me.  I'm supposed to understand the other person but no one has to understand me.

And look at the number of times I've used the word "I" in this sentence.  I don't know if I'm being selfish or self-centered or not! 

I'm not in the world's best place right now.
« Last Edit: September 22, 2018, 05:20:06 PM by alliematt »

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Deep Blue

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Re: "It's always my fault."
« Reply #1 on: September 22, 2018, 02:00:41 PM »
Sometimes you just need to be heard Allie!

I find it completely frustrating when Iím constantly being told Iím wrong.  Sometimes I just take it because Iíd rather take the blame than awkwardness or a disagreement.

The truth is, no one can ALWAYS be wrong! Even a broken clock is right at least twice a day.  Itís deflating when you are being told otherwise.  Sometimes when I feel like Iím not being heard, I write it out and organize it in my head first before bringing up the topic. That way I have a rough plan for what Iím going to say

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Jdog

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Re: "It's always my fault."
« Reply #2 on: September 22, 2018, 03:08:28 PM »
Allie-

I want to echo what Deep Blue has said.  It is a process, but begin taking baby steps toward being in your own corner.  Itís taken me a few years, but I am getting better at believing that I am enough.  Sometimes right, sometimes wrong, sometimes weak, sometimes strong.  But so is every other person on the planet.  We all are a mixture of darkness and light.  Each of us is afraid, dislikes change, wants to know what will come next. 

You are good enough just as you are.  You are also a growing, learning being.  Be kind to yourself.  Do it in small ways, beginning now.  Remember a time when you knew you were doing something correctly.  Remember that feeling.  Let it carry you forward.  You will be ok.

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woodsgnome

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Re: "It's always my fault."
« Reply #3 on: September 22, 2018, 04:29:25 PM »
The phrase "it's always your fault" was one of the go-to put-downs I heard all the time when young. Sadly, it just kind of planted itself, I guess; even though its falseness has been proven wrong umpteen times since.

The voices continued even when the people who shouted them were absent. I'd still hear these voices as if in chorus, usually at night, when it drove me to draw the covers and pillows close around, etc. In therapy I was constantly encouraged to talk back to them, even if silently; that helped. That one 'at-fault' lie remains resistant to my talk-backs but seems to be shrinking.

Even if that's just hopeful thinking I'll take it, for whatever reason it's happening now. This may all be inside talk, and it may seem dangerous to talk back out loud, but it's really what's inside that matters more, I think.

So I've noticed, as you noted, lots of "I's" in what's written here. But personal experience tends to work that way. In doing so the intent is only to provide an example so that you or anyone reading might find encouragement and most importantly, hope that things can change, even if only internally. Selfishness has nothing to do with it, and can just be an unneeded extra guilt layer brought on by the 'at-fault' messages when they become internalized.

Bottom line remains--you're more than worthy, deserve respect, and your most important ally is found inside. Finding that inner voice can become the primary baby step necessary.

« Last Edit: September 22, 2018, 04:37:52 PM by woodsgnome »