M visiting, what to do?

Started by Jazzy, September 19, 2018, 01:55:25 AM

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Jazzy

First off, sorry I  haven't been very active on here. I have difficulty with setting new habits, and checking in here is one that I've not been keeping up on. Emotionally, I'm up and down a lot too, which doesn't help at all. I feel bad about it, but I'll just try to do better.

Since I last posted on here, mom has moved away, and now she's coming back for a visit. She plans to be in town for at least 2 days, and doesn't know where she's staying (so probably with me). Anyway, I'm looking for some suggestions of what to do with her, literally. I can't remember just spending any time with her where something wasn't planned, or at least having a specific topic to discuss. She's never just come to visit before.

I don't know how much of this is a problem with me, or her, or things that have happened between us or whatever. I'm not sure it really matters. The point is, I feel like there's never been a proper emotional connection between her and I, and I really have no idea what to do when she's here. Of course, keep in mind that she kind of lives in her own version of the world where she's a great person and has done no (serious) wrong.

Three Roses

This forum is for you to use as you see best. We like hearing from everyone, but we also recognize that we are all different. Say as much (or as little) as you like.  :bigwink:

Some suggestions for your mom's visit. First, make sure this is something you want. Just because your M will be in town doesn't mean you have to house her, entertain her or even see her.

Then, if you decide you want to spend time with her, maybe think about what you want to accomplish during her stay; are there things you want to say to her, or questions you want to ask? Or are you just wanting things to go smoothly? Maybe you could ask her directly what she expects.

Hope that helps, I'm interested to hear how things go!  :wave:

Kizzie

Quoteshe kind of lives in her own version of the world where she's a great person and has done no (serious) wrong

Sounds like my NPDM Jazzy.  We don't visit very often - about every two yrs is all my H and I are up to nowadays but when we do we keep her really busy. If we don't she gets on centre stage (because she has NPD) and won't get off without things turning into chaos and drama. 

I'm with TR, you certainly don't have to have her at your place.  It would help enormously but if she has NPD she'll likely try and FOG you about it so you'll need to be prepared for that.  :yes: 


Jazzy

Thanks, I'll have to think about it some more for sure. I guess I'm just a bit distressed over the whole situation. I want it to go as smooth as it can, and I'll feel better when it is over.

It would be a lot easier not to see her, but that will create a whole lot of problems for everyone else in the family. I also don't think I can bring myself to treat her how she has treated me (not giving me somewhere to stay etc.) I also need to think about that a lot more.