Anxiety, Work and Self-Acceptance

[lonewolf]

Today I took a "personal day" from work due to exhaustion from EF issues yesterday and lack of sleep. Self-care is very difficult for me. I like that I was able to disclose to my work, but I'm feeling a tremendous amount of anxiety about it today. I tend to suck it up and I have previously had severe issues of workaholism, which led to burn-out and a firing.

It is likely connected to my inner critic, but there is also an element of vulnerability/fear involved there that I will I lose my job over this, will it be used against me, coworkers will feel less of me or think I am unstable, etc.. It is probably an irrational feeling (I am good at my job and exhibiting wellness, health and self-care are encouraged at work).

Any advice on how to nurture this anxiety or accept that I am dealing with CPTSD and may from time to time need a personal day?



Thanks.

[Jdog]

Lone wolf-

It sounds like taking a personal day was just what you needed to do.  As far as accepting the situation of having anxiety and CPtsd, my best advice is the advice given to me by my t:  understand that you are ALWAYS doing the best you can at any point and let yourself know repeatedly that you are "good enough" just as you are.  I am learning that until I can connect with myself - accept myself just as I am- I will not be able to connect with others in a satisfactory and authentic way.  This stuff takes practice - over and over, every day.  We have not been brought up to view ourselves as valuable so we need to value ourselves more than feels "normal". 

Best wishes as you continue taking the steps toward meeting your needs.   It also sounds as though you work for a pretty progressive bunch of people, and as such you have an advantage many may not experience.

You deserve the best care you can provide yourself!

[lonewolf]

Thank you for the reassurance Jdog. I'm fairly used to pretending I'm stoic so this is an adjustment to admit my personal challenges. I do feel lucky to have this job. It is only a mat leave but it has been so positive working for a company that is flexible and understands the life/work balance. Yes, accepting myself where I am is something I must learn to do. Inner critics. Sigh. Thanks for the warm wishes. 

[Jdog]

Lone wolf-

You are welcome.  I woke up feeling defective and wanting to hide from everything in the world this morning with no obvious provocation.  Yuck.  So now its my turn to "self soothe"  - don't you just wish we could be over and done with these cycles once having gone through them?  Rhetorical q, I guess.  Hopefully my treadmill workout will help me "kick it in" since I have a day of teaching 9th graders ahead and they can sniff out low self esteem like nobody's business.  Not the kindest little folks always.

Sigh. 

Jdog

[lonewolf]

Ha. Well, we're having a similar morning. I woke up feeling tired and inadequate. Exercise does seem to help though. I did yoga last night and it sure cleared my mind and got me back into body awareness. I laughed at your comment about 9th graders, but on a bad day it's probably not funny. Out for blood the little suckers. Sending you love and a message that you are more than enough. 

[Rrecovery]

One thing our FOO didn't allow us to understand - Humans are very needy beings!  We all are.  Very needy.  It's the nature of being human.  Understanding this has helped me to care for myself whenever I am in need - which is constantly.  I spend most of my days with almost constant self care of one kind or another.  We are not, we are not supposed to be, automatons that just function and function and give and give...

We are human.  We are needy.  Hear me roar 

[Jdog]

Rrecovery -

Feel the burn, hear the roar, fully human and ready to rumble!

Thanks much for the encouragement, both of you!

[Anamiame]

Rrecovery:

Loved your post.  It's true...very true.  We are indeed needy.  I think the crux of CPTSD is the insurmountable shame dumped on us for being normal and having valid needs. 

At least for me.  And the bottom line is...we can't always meet all of our own needs.  That's why I hate therapy.  I need her. 

I don't want to need her. 

It hurts too much.