Question about People's Dissociation

Started by Anamiame, March 13, 2015, 05:31:18 AM

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bee

I really appreciate this discussion. If I do go somewhere I am unaware of where it is. I had a massage therapist that asked me often, but gently, "hey, where did you just go?" The question would bring me back, but I never questioned where I had been, just away. She's the one that clued me in that I was dissociating. I might bring this up with my T. Never heard that people are aware of where they go. :blink:

I do a kind of dissociation that I thought was more catastrophisizing/day dreaming. That's when I think about all the worst possible things that could happen. There are actual thoughts then, but when I come back to reality they get hazy and stop making sense, kinda like dreams sometimes make no sense when you wake up, but you know they were perfectly logical when you were dreaming.

pippapop

I relate to the feeling of going somewhere but not knowing where, sort of floating. I dont get the feeling now but did quite a few times to escape unpleasant things in the past. Id kind of just go, then decide to come back to see if it was safe, if it was id stay if it wasnt id go again. It was a peaceful place. In T I feel a bit vague and find once I walk out I have trouble remembering much of what was discussed. Id just thought it was my poor memory but I guess im still leaving to a degree. Lol more to work on! Seriously though it is just fantastic reading all your experiences. Thankyou. :hug:

coda

As someone who's experienced it since early childhood, your therapist's characterization feels off the mark, at least as a description of what happens to me. I've certainly tried "going somewhere" in my head voluntarily, shutting down, de-focusing, distancing myself for protection. I will even picture myself somewhere safe and away.

But those intentional attempts to disengage are completely different from the sudden, overwhelming, amnesia-like quality I call disassociating. I don't choose it, I don't control it, and it's more like my real self enters suspended animation, a holding pattern watching me move through situations...and that's just when I am actually aware it's happening. When it's especially severe, I only become aware later, when I'm "back". It's closer to sleepwalking or lucid dreaming than any comforting escape. The moments before a panic attack are the worst, when I begin to be overwhelmed and sense a loss of control. Not sure if that too is a form of it, but if someone asked me "where I went", I'd be stumped. *, maybe.


Anamiame

Coda,

I love your description, because that's it for me too.  I have different 'levels' I think of dissociation.  It's almost like I go into a trance that I can't get out of till someone 'snaps' their fingers three times.  LOL 

I had to do an MRI recently and I'm severely claustrophobic.  I have to have Atavan to be able to do it.  Well, it got messed up and I didn't have the Atavan.  It took about 45 minutes trying to calm me down before they could put me in the machine--I wasn't able to just 'dissociate' on demand, but I was trying hard and finally, I did...I think from the panic. 

But I agree with you, she's off the mark.  I think I told her that, but I don't remember. 

Kizzie

Hmmmm, different levels of dissociating - great food for thought Coda.  I just posted about something I did not remember from my teens that some friends who were visiting yesterday told me about. I had absolutely no memory of doing what they recounted (but pretended I did). 

I have a lot of blank spots in my life - it's like amnesia and perhaps it's a heavier duty dissociation, the kind that would have been needed when I was truly frightened or overwhelmed in my childhood.

Does anyone else have gaps or fuzzy recollections of entire periods of time?   

Anamiame

Yes.  As a matter of fact, I wrote a post on here and I have no memory whatsoever of writing that post or even reading the thread. 

I do think that there are different depths of dissociative behavior; I can 'zone' out when someone is talking to me and need them to repeat what they've said or I can go into the more extreme states like the MRI machine or what happened a couple weeks ago after a recovered a very bad memory.  I can 'catch' the lighter ones...and even attempt to use them to minimize pain...but absolutely no control over the severe ones. 

wingnut

As stated in another post, I am reading "The Body Keeps The Score" by Van Der Kolk which has photos of MRIs.
What was very interesting was the MRI of someone dissociating  - it was completely blank. The brain totally shut down. Very weird - 'splains a lot.

Anamiame

Wingnut,  THAT'S INTERESTING!!!  Really interesting! 

Brain needs a break; brain takes a break!

bee

Quote from: Kizzie on March 18, 2015, 07:12:53 PM
Does anyone else have gaps or fuzzy recollections of entire periods of time?   

Too many. I call it Swiss cheese brain. I told someone that I'd never been to a certain city. Several years later I remembered that we had taken a family vacation there. I had totally blanked it out. I asked my siblings for details and it turns out that my m was hyper stressed on that trip, so probably things did not go well. So I blanked it. Still have hardly any memories of the events. That's a big one, but there are a ton of small ones. Sometimes makes me wonder what else is in my head that I don't currently have access to.