"The power you give them."

[alliematt]

I don't really know where to put this comment; if it's better off in another forum, please go ahead and move it.

In a discussion in another social media forum, I commented about the "other side" being too powerful.  Someone replied with, they are only as powerful as you let them be, and also,they only have the power you give them.

There may be something to this statement that is true, but something seems off about it and I don't know what it is.

[Kizzie]

Just spit balling here as I don't know the context/topic so I don't know if this is relevant. 

I suspect if it was politically oriented discussion what they meant is that in a democracy there are processes in place to fight back if they are used (eg. voting, rule of law).

[Boy22]

Its very much related to the inspirational quote I posted in the cafe here: "No one can make you feel inferior without your permisiion"

It is you who give power to the other side to do things to you. All well and good if you have an intact fully functioning psyche. Mission impossible for someone with CPTSD who can be triggered into a subjugate role quite unconsciously.

[Three Roses]

May I recommend a book to you? It's called "The Four Agreements". Now, it's not a Christian book and I know you're a Christian - but so am I and I absolutely love this book. Keep an open mind if you read it. "Take away what works for you and leave the rest." 

[Wattlebird]

Everyone has power, but I think this quote is often misused " they only have the power you permit" or some other bull, but a parent has power over a child this isn't given by the child it just is, I think people use this statement to say everyone is equally to blame for abuse like dv  - crap

[Boy22]

Everyone has power, but I think this quote is often misused " they only have the power you permit" or some other bull, but a parent has power over a child this isn't given by the child it just is, I think people use this statement to say everyone is equally to blame for abuse like dv  - crap

some do, and some simply don't understand what an abusive childhood does to the surviving adult. Thank heavens I have an understanding partner who listens when I say "I need to leave this place right now!"

[Wattlebird]

Yes boy22 I agree, people don't understand the affect of traumatic experiences, that is great that your partner listens to you when u need to remove yourself from a situation.
I'm glad you have joined the forum boy22, I hope you are feeling welcome, I don't read anything with a trigger warning so haven't followed ur story but I appreciate ur insights and contributions, just wanted to let you know

[Blueberry]

Everyone has power, but I think this quote is often misused " they only have the power you permit" or some other bull, but a parent has power over a child this isn't given by the child it just is, I think people use this statement to say everyone is equally to blame for abuse like dv  - crap

some do, and some simply don't understand what an abusive childhood does to the surviving adult.

Even if the original statement about power is used in a political context now ime it'll still trigger those of us with cptsd until whatever it is in our pasts has moved some distance forward in healing. Even then I might not get a full-blown EF but may still think 'nonsense!'.

[SunnyDays]

There may be something to this statement that is true, but something seems off about it and I don't know what it is.

I've felt the exact same! It may be that we give power to them, granted. BUT we are trained to give them power and to change that requires: will, knowledge and time (like all normal habits).

[Libby183]

It's an unpleasant phrase to me too, because I feel like I never had any power  let alone power that I could give to anyone else. 

I think it is one of those empty phrases people just spout out when they don't have a clue what they mean. In fact, exactly the sort of thing my parents said whenever I was emotional.