Nearly had an awful thing happen in front of me yesterday, suffering today

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memorex

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I dont know where to start. Had to deal with more repair people in my home yesterday, which is very hard for my social anxiety. Ironically I had to go into town, and had a bunch of things go wrong.


TRIGGER WARNING;

Saw a small girl almost get hit by a car, right in front of me almost.  Since I had something like this in my past, it upset me. Though maybe not as much as what happened after.


Only just making sense of this now.

I was approaching a road with poor visibility due to parked cars, and had noticed this small girl (aged six?) on her bike with stabilisers, slowly going all over the pavement. I thought little of it. But then she started heading towards the kerb and the road, while literally looking the other way. She wasnt going fast, but she kept moving constantly. Meanwhile I noticed a large black vehicle moving down the road towards us. By now the girl was a few meters ahead of me, out of my reach as I thought to try to grab her to stop her heading into the path of the vehicle.

Obviously all this happened really fast. The vehicle wasnt going that fast itself maybe 20-25 miles per hour, but it had a big flat front grille, bigger than the height of the girl.

Anyway, somehow, in my head, I quickly calculated that the paths of both the girl and the vehicle. I was thinking to try to grab the girl or shout out but I figured I was JUST out of reach and if I called out then there was a risk she might look towards me, making things worse. I felt that the vehicle was JUST abouts going to miss hitting her head on at least, which was something.

Last second, the driver noticed and screeched to a halt, and the girl missed the collision LITERALLY by inches.

But thats not the worst of it in some ways-I felt angry that the mother was nowhere to be seen. I rushed over to the girl and said are you alright? I think she said sorry or something, thinking she was in trouble. I said it wasnt your fault (as I didnt want to upset her, and she was just a kid, doing what kids do).

I noticed, finally, way near the end of the street, a woman unlocking her front door, going in, and for some reason, felt that was her mother. I went up to her and said, 'excuse me, is the girl on the bike with pigtails (etc etc) your daughter?' Yes' she said. 'I just saw her nearly get hit by a car' I said.
 
'Oh', she smiled (yes, smiled), 'Sorry about that', and without even looking over her shoulder to check for her daughter, she went in and closed the door. I checked with the kid, and yes-that was her mother.

I am so angry about this, and it has painful resonances with things with me and events.

Unsurprisingly, Im really shook up by this. And thats without even mentioning some truly horrific things I learned about my hometown today-a place that I always said was horrible. Now, after some research, i see this town has a global historical reputation for it, and it wasnt my imagination. I DESPERATELY want to move from here. Its full of horrible things and bad parents like the mother of that girl.

But I just dont have the means or money to move just yet, and wont for another couple of years. It feels like a prison sentence.

So Im just trying to make some kind of sense of the insanity of this all today, and dont honestly know where to even begin.

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Three Roses

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Re: Nearly had an awful thing happen in front of me yesterday, suffering today
« Reply #1 on: September 27, 2018, 04:07:35 PM »
 :hug: to you. I don't have more words, I'm gobsmacked at the mother's reaction. And if you had something similar happen when you were small, your whole body probably relived your experience just then.

Be gentle and take care of yourself today.  :wave:

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milk

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Re: Nearly had an awful thing happen in front of me yesterday, suffering today
« Reply #2 on: September 27, 2018, 07:44:44 PM »
memorex,

What you witnessed is sad and heinous in its routine indifference. Where to begin? You already started.. You saw the little girl and interacted with her mother - speaking out about it, is a beginning.

In my experience the human race has great potential for love and equally a great potential for indifference. In the case of the latter, indifference becomes an open door to death and destruction; it diminishes the presence of human life. To offer some clarity in this, expressing hatred (verbally) breeds life when compared to indifference - when a person feels, it shows they are connected to deep pain, and in that pain, is hope for renewal. (I understood this after reading the Places That Scare You by Pema Chodron and Viktor Frankl’s Man Search For Meaning)

In regards to the former, I have come to know love in a way that indifference cannot survive. Your gut told you to share this story on OOTS, trust it — trusting what you know will carry you through the crisis you describe: desperately wanting to move from a horrible city/people. If time is an issue, look to your support network for ways to find peace (how you choose to respond to what you witness) where you are and possible short term solutions that get you closer to moving out.

I believe in you - you have compassion and desire for change. It will happen, in the meantime, take care of your heart so you can continue to love — we need people like you in this world.

hope this helps  :hug:



 
« Last Edit: November 05, 2018, 06:09:22 AM by milk »

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memorex

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Re: Nearly had an awful thing happen in front of me yesterday, suffering today
« Reply #3 on: September 29, 2018, 02:09:36 PM »
Thanks for the thoughtful replies.

Great wisdom in there that helped calm me and to feel better when I read them.

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Blueberry

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Re: Nearly had an awful thing happen in front of me yesterday, suffering today
« Reply #4 on: September 29, 2018, 03:28:51 PM »
:hug: to you. I don't have more words, I'm gobsmacked at the mother's reaction. And if you had something similar happen when you were small, your whole body probably relived your experience just then.

Be gentle and take care of yourself today.  :wave:

 :yeahthat:

But in addition that little girl might just remember that a stranger reacted differently to her, with more caring and compassion after a near accident, than her own mother. Your own younger you may also have noticed. If not, it can be healing to point it out to younger you. "In the past people treated us like xy but now, see, I can treat younger me differently, the way I did with the little girl". This is re-nurturing, which I've done a lot of as part of therapy. It's particularly helpful if you have a concrete example where you can show younger you how you react now as opposed to how people around you reacted towards younger you then.

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Contessa

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Re: Nearly had an awful thing happen in front of me yesterday, suffering today
« Reply #5 on: September 29, 2018, 10:29:38 PM »
Everything that everyone else said here   :grouphug:

My ability to convey thoughts and feelings - and therefore possible wisdom - with depth and clarity has been severely lacking this year. So I cannot add anything besides my upset with the mother, and pain for the child.

Three Roses, : and Blueberry say it beautifully. I do wholeheartedly believe that child will always remember you. In an inevitable moment or period of adversity in her young life - she may need to make sense of the history of parental neglect - I'm sure that swift moment with you going in to bat for her will be a powerful exclamation point for her future direction and choices from that moment on.

In other words, I do believe you will save her more than once throughout her lifetime. If not save, but help her make important decisions at critical moments throughout her life.

Apologies, the above reads like waffle. You did well x

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memorex

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Re: Nearly had an awful thing happen in front of me yesterday, suffering today
« Reply #6 on: September 30, 2018, 01:35:04 PM »
I found these posts very moving. They make sense to me. Its obviously quite hard for me to go into my own feelings on my past personal experiences right now. But what has been posted has, in a positive way, affected me. The notion of that day creating positive echoes in her life that I wish I had had in mine, is profound. And I can see it as a sort of reparenting to myself.

I guess I feel a kind of sadness right now; a grief that I never had somebody do this for me.

Thank you for all the thoughts, insight, and hugs.