Gaslighting

[sigiriuk]

All of us on this forum, by definition, have been subjected to gaslighting, whether we recognise it or not.
It has led me to not be able to listen to myself. My views were of no value to anyone else, when growing up, so I did not value them either.
Growing up around it, has made me unable to be comfortable with differences of opinions. I effectively argue until people give in, which is not a very nice trait.
I often watch the US news, in order to re-enct my own childhood experiences of gaslighting, eg Prof Blasey Ford, and Kavanagh.
It always elecits a knee-jerk reaction in me: I get angry, and feel disheartened.

As I become more aware, it just feels like another mountain to climb - to reflect on, - to look at, and try to re-adjust my behaviours.

I grew up being told I was an idiot, and cowardly. I don't ever remember not beliving this about myself. my adopted father and mother continue to maintain that I exaggerated, and have made stuff up.

Thanks for reading this.

Slim

[Blueberry]

I experienced a lot of that too. And I used to be very argumentative. The whole of FOO was, that is what I grew up with and copied.  on your honesty. I'm standing with you.

[Three Roses]

my adopted father and mother continue to maintain that I exaggerated, and have made stuff up.

Statistically it is more likely that you are minimizing the abuse you endured. Victims almost never make things up for attention, that's a separate kind of disorder I think.

You're not an idiot, that's apparent to me. You're not cowardly, either, you are here and discussing your pain.

[Deep Blue]

my adopted father and mother continue to maintain that I exaggerated, and have made stuff up.

Statistically it is more likely that you are minimizing the abuse you endured. Victims almost never make things up for attention, that's a separate kind of disorder I think.

You're not an idiot, that's apparent to me. You're not cowardly, either, you are here and discussing your pain.

I agree with Three Roses.  We have all been gaslighted and it has enduring effects.  I'm triggered by the current US news on many levels, I live in the US, I'm a trauma survivor, I know what it feels like to not be believed. What I'm trying to say is that we are with you on this 

[sigiriuk]

Thank you for your replies, Deep Blue, Blueberry, and Three Roses.
It feels really good to be heard.
That's why I love this forum.
BW
Slim

[EZ Linus]

I'm glad I found this thread. It's good to know I'm not the only one whose parents were in complete denial of anything bad happening to me. "That never happened." or "You're making that up." I can't believe it would come out of their mouths! Wha? Am I crazy??? It took years of therapy to recognize how bad it all was, and when I mentioned any bit of it, they pretended I imagined it. It was like being betrayed all over again. I still doubt myself and still think I'm stupid. It never seems to go away.

[Blueberry]

Standing with you too, EZ Linus. I'm still realising after years of therapy how destructive my home environment was and how much denial still goes on among my parents and siblings.

ime the self-doubt starts to lessen and the belief in oneself as a perceptive, sane, intelligent and even worthwhile person starts to grow, perhaps impercetibly at first, but it comes. When I have bouts of much more self-doubt than usual I'm probably in an Emotional Flashback.

Sorry for the slight hijack, Slim. I'm getting much better at difference of opinion, much much better. I kind of swung too much the other way, if that makes any sense. I believe that with you having named and recognised your problems here, well that's part of the route to healing. I know that cognitive recognition is not necessarily the way to heal from traumatic injuries but it still seems to help me a bit. Maybe even knowing more exactly what to work on with T? Or just not being in denial like FOO? Anyway continued Best Wishes to you.