How am I so calm right now

[graffitighost]

I remember reading something about this but I don't remember exactly how or why this can happen.

Basically, things are * right now and I'm oddly calm and rational. I know below the surface or something that this is scary, and I do feel a bit scared sometimes. So far though the only emotion that's really come out has been how I feel about moving away from my boyfriend, and even that comes in waves.

Basically, I'm finally moving away from my dad. My sister is helping me. We had this huge fight this week that put up a few more red flags for me, and I haven't come home since. He isn't trying to force me to come back because I'm two months away from being 18.

I lived with my abusive mom until I was twelve and met him around three years ago. He got me out of foster care. Things were supposed to be different. He was the last parent I had left, and it's turned out that he's also toxic and weird.

I feel nothing about that. Just nothing. I don't even know how I managed to find a place to stay with a friend. Normally I would be afraid of that, but I just straight up sent him a text at school with "I'm not coming home" and when he responded okaying it I just found some place to stay. How did I do that? What should I do about this?

I feel off and removed and I don't wanna try to change that, but is this gonna come out and punch me in the stomach later when I don't expect it? Should I be worried? I think this has happened before and I want to be prepared

[Kizzie]

Hard for any of us to say GG which is why I suggested in response to an earlier post you made elsewhere getting in touch with a youth hot line and seeing what suggestions they may have, not to mention getting some support from people who are used to dealing with this type of situation.