Hello perfectionism goodbye self. Beating

[Boatsetsailrose]

I'm becoming more aware of my  :stars:perfectionist thinking and how it plays and can  create self hatred and shame. It trys to be a friend because it wants to help me feel in control but unfort it does anything but that..
The rigidity, the narrowness and the unattainable are attempts at helping me to hide and give up. Spending too much time on my own this wk end has created a v large dose of  the above and has led me to talking to myself badly today. However I recognised it and stopped it which was good.
Anyone have perfectionist thinking too? Found ways to help/overcome it? Techniques to use?
 

[Three Roses]

Yes, rigidity and perfectionism were two of my closest companions. They are still around but when I recognize them I just dismiss them. It got easier with time and practice. Hope you find this encouraging. 

[Blueberry]

Yes, rigidity and perfectionism were two of my closest companions.

It's been helpful for me to understand and then really feel as well through what traumas they developed. Why are they there? What role do they play? They were some of my ways of dealing with fear of ridicule, fear of punishment. So their role is to protect me from deep-seated shame, from being blamed by FOO for things I can't even influence. I've done a lot of Inner Child work both with therapists and on my own. Sometimes now EFT, which basically boils down to "I accept myself even though I expect perfection from myself and/or other people" but that only goes so far.

Then there's the direct trauma processing I do called Screen Processing which doesn't seem to exist in the English-speaking world, but anyway is used by my T to try and reduce the emotional attachment between me and FOO. Reducing that reduces these old ties that bind me, allows me to contemplate different ways of acting like setting limits, standing up for myself, not accepting other people's blaming and shaming of me. Then I don't feel so dependent on old ways of conducting myself to avoid all the pain of the way people have treated me till now.

I have the impression that my problems with perfectionism are too near the core of my trauma for me to be able to tell them to get lost, the way some mbrs here can and do with ICr. I don't know how it is for you, Boatssetsailrose. Best wishes with it anyway 

[Boy22]

I struggle with my perfectionist and harsh inner critic.

It is not helped by my being an over-achiever. I really struggle to understand how other people can be so incompetent and fail to understand what to me are simple problems.

And now that I have crashed, when I am on I am great until I crash again.

[Boatsetsailrose]

Thanks three roses good to hear..
Hi blueberry yes I use eft and love its simplicity and effectiveness to work to accept myself and  calm my system. The telling /shouting to tell anything to go away  in my head doesn't work for me either.. Listening to it and asking what it's role is and how it is trying to help /protect are much better ways
Thanks for the reminders and for sharing.
Yes mine is all bout fear and trying to feel more in control. Self compassion and keeping my day balanced with activity, rest, mindfulness and social time are so important. Perfectionism def can kick off more when I spend too much time alone with my own thoughts.
Boy 22 I can so relate my expectations of myself can be far too great and of other people and I'm learning to work to accept my self and my limitations too. For me its the underlying low self worth that's the driver and if I come back to that self compassion and I am just enough as I am I'm not a product of any external processes then I find relief. I can just concentrate and do what I can.
Freedom from perfectionism is so good hey even having fun once in a while and letting go..
Hope you have some respite today