exceptionally difficult few months

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watersheds

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exceptionally difficult few months
« on: October 02, 2018, 06:43:35 AM »
i hope this is the right place to put this, i don't know where else to. but i would say i've been having not just exceptionally difficult days, but an exceptionally difficult few months. it feels like i am getting crisis after crisis thrown my way from my family.

in the midst of heavy trauma work in therapy and what seems like a near constant shuffling of my meds thanks to my developing extrapyramidal symptoms towards the beginning of the year, i have had to deal with 1) my sister being an alcoholic who is self-medicating for her undiagnosed anxiety disorder, and who is caught up in a toxic abusive relationship where her narcissistic boyfriend has somehow convinced her that her family has never supported her or given her anything - therefore everything they say or do is wrong and bad. which is funny when she calls sobbing that she's hungry because they spent all their money on booze and they have nothing to eat, 2) my sister out of the blue insisting that i 'abandoned' her in the midst of our childhood being surrounded by our parents' domestic violence, 3) my sister nearly losing custody of my nephew over her ridiculous choices re: the toxic boyfriend, 4) my mother getting spine surgery and suddenly needing me to be a caretaker when i have struggled to even shower some days, 5) feeling so mentally unstable and at the same time inferior and worthless for not being able to return to work as quickly as some people think i should, 6) the newest crisis... my 82 y/o schizoaffective grandmother getting hit by a car over the weekend in a pedestrian vs. auto accident, where the driver who hit her was going 40 mph down a street that is not safe to go 40 down, and nearly dying. we are still waiting to see if the brain bleed she experienced led to traumatic brain injury, she was just taken off the breathing tube today. this was a woman who lived alone and was totally independent. she's certainly not going to have that independence anymore. obviously it's totally tragic, hugely upsetting because i relate to my grandmother in a lot of ways, and especially because family dynamics/ancient grudges (thank you society's still poor understanding of mental illness) have made it so that my grandmother's children are now arguing over what to do with her. it's sad.

i just want the non-stop, repetitive crises after crises to stop. it gets better, right? somebody please tell me it gets better. or at least, that there are coping skills out there that i can use to put up with the neverending crises.
« Last Edit: October 03, 2018, 01:36:00 AM by watersheds »

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Libby183

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Re: exceptionally difficult few months
« Reply #1 on: October 02, 2018, 07:38:34 AM »
That sounds like an absolutely horrendous amount of things to cope with,  let alone whilst dealing with your own medical symptoms. I just hope that you can concentrate on self-care.  Please remind yourself that you can't be a support to others if you are suffering.  And it is not down to you alone to deal with the suffering of others.

Put yourself first and don't feel guilty that you aren't doing enough.

Take care.

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Three Roses

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Re: exceptionally difficult few months
« Reply #2 on: October 02, 2018, 04:03:04 PM »
It can get better! And there are coping skills to use, both before it gets better and then afterwards, to continue the self care you need.

Just like the stewardesses tell you - put on your own oxygen mask first. Here's a link to Pete Walker's website where he talks about flashback management, but there's a wealth of info on that site. http://pete-walker.com/flashbackManagement.htm

And by the way, welcome.  :heythere:

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Kizzie

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Re: exceptionally difficult few months
« Reply #3 on: October 02, 2018, 06:19:02 PM »
What a pile you have on your plate right now Watersheds  :hug: 

First of all, I am sorry to hear about your GM, I hope she is doing better today. Crises like this can bring out the best or worst in families and if they are dysfunctional/abusive it will tend to be the latter unfortunately. My family was the latter and one thing that helped me through any crises was they showed me that I was not like them, that I was a caring, decent person despite what they were like and what I had been through.  Maybe hang onto that thought in the midst of all that is going on because it is sustaining or at least it was for me. 

In terms of having to help others, what TR wrote about putting your own oxygen mask on first before you help anyone else on the plane is great advice. Is there anyone who can help your M, if not other family or her friends then perhaps home care service?  So many of us are taught to put others first, to put our own needs aside but we must change that kind of thinking if we are to have any life, much less one that is healthier & happier.  When you do have some energy back then perhaps you can deal with your S, right now though it sounds like there is just too much going on.  You could tell your S that you want to talk to her about things but are just not in a good place right now. That way you acknowledge her concerns, that you have some things to work out and that you care, but it postpones things until you are able to tackle them with her. 

Hope some of this is helpful  :yes:


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Deep Blue

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Re: exceptionally difficult few months
« Reply #4 on: October 03, 2018, 01:05:03 AM »
When you do have some energy back then perhaps you can deal with your S, right now though it sounds like there is just too much going on.  You could tell your S that you want to talk to her about things but are just not in a good place right now. That way you acknowledge her concerns, that you have some things to work out and that you care, but it postpones things until you are able to tackle them with her. 

I agree with Kizzie. Too much stuff all at the same time could derail anyone! I don’t blame you for feeling overwhelmed.  Take the time you need for yourself first and then maybe a talk with your sister can be step 2.  Hang in there and thanks for sharing so honestly

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milk

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Re: exceptionally difficult few months
« Reply #5 on: October 17, 2018, 07:06:45 AM »
Watersheds, it gets better :  ) The others posts offer good advice: take care of yourself, first, then ask yourself what you can offer in a given situation and do your thing — taking it one day at a time. When I have been overwhelmed, giving my head a break helped — that meant getting lost in the woods for a hike or a long beach walk - running or something that worked my whole body — Jiu jitsu

Take care
 :grouphug: