I have felt myself becoming really angry when talking to my father lately. I moved away years ago and our relationship is no longer the toxic parent/child I endured during childhood and young adulthood. I am able to establish boundaries with him and I push back whenever I feel like he is not talking with me respectfully or I disagree with him.
But since I've started therapy, I've felt myself feeling really angry at him even when he's not exhibiting any toxic behavior. I am pretty sure my dad is not a narcissist and that his parenting of me was because he himself was a traumatized child and was parenting me the same way he had been parented. Growing up I believed my dad was all powerful and all knowing but now I see that show of strength was false. He is actually very insecure and fearful. I understand why the abuse happened but I still feel so angry at him at time for what I endured and all that I lost and the long struggle I am facing to recover from it.
I remember reading a post or sticky on this site somewhere discussing the concept of "angering" at your abuser. I skimmed it quickly, but I recall reading about an idea that an integral part of recovering from C-PTSD is to be able to get angry at your abuser--but not at the actual person but at the abuse itself?? I remember that the point of getting angry at the abuse rather than the person is that if you try to direct it at the person, feelings of pity and/or love may get in the way of the anger.
Does anyone know where I could find this post, or otherwise have any thoughts on this topic???
