Loneliness and Recovery

[Jazzy]

Just wondering how you all deal with loneliness, and maybe looking for some new ideas for recovery.

I've had a hard time socializing lately. Everything/everyone seems to be really disconnected to me lately. It's really difficult as a big part of me wants to just be alone so I don't have to deal with all the trouble of social interaction, but I find myself lonely at the same time. Feels like a damned if you do, damned if you don't kind of thing.

I'm not in the best spot right now, but I have been in worse for sure. The thing is, I can't really say why. It feels like my emotional state is really out of my control. No matter how hard I try, or how many "right things" I do, it doesn't seem to matter... it's like there's something else I'm ignorant of which makes the difference. Which, brings up the question of how do I improve again/continue to improve when I don't understand how? Hopefully someone will have some insight.

[Kalmer]

Hi Jazzy,

In my experience when I spend a lot of time alone, I usually end up feeling worse emotionally. If I reach out/socialise, then it's like taking a chance that it will get better. Most of the time, if I'm honest, I feel better after meeting up with a friend although I might feel tired after.

[Blueberry]

It feels like my emotional state is really out of my control. No matter how hard I try, or how many "right things" I do, it doesn't seem to matter... it's like there's something else I'm ignorant of which makes the difference.

Are you maybe in a longish-term EF? I find EFs can be full-on for a shortish time (few days, weeks maybe) or less extreme but going on for weeks and months. Before I was in trauma-informed T, counsellors, Ts, docs used to ask me how I'd got out of the previous bad phase. I didn't know, it "just happened". They'd counter with "but you must have some idea." I didn't. My current trauma-informed T said it's quite possible to feel that way though I am getting better at figuring out what might help me in the here-and-now. afaik there's no one thing that helps all the time.

I've had a hard time socializing lately. Everything/everyone seems to be really disconnected to me lately. It's really difficult as a big part of me wants to just be alone so I don't have to deal with all the trouble of social interaction, but I find myself lonely at the same time. ..

Recently I discovered that I'd been labelling a feeling as 'loneliness' that was actually emotional pain. It doesn't mean that that is what you are experiencing, of course. I'm having a hard time being with people atm unless there's some sort of agenda and not just socialising. Sometimes the part that doesn't want to do something has a good reason for it. If you've worked with Inner Children or other inner parts you might be able to find what this part needs in order to feel safe.

I used to force myself to go among people, i no longer do, after I once blew a fuse. An inner part went haywire, openly, oops.

Feeling disconnected could also mean you're experiencing one of depersonalisation, dissociation, derealisation.

[Jazzy]

Thanks everyone, there are some good points raised here. Giving this some thought, it does seem to be an EF, but not in the way I'm used to. What I previously identified as an EF was more intense, short-term, and based on a different underlying emotion/founding circumstance. With that said, I don't see any reason why EFs would be limited to just one type. It certainly fits. I can remember feeling like this as a child, and I know why too... I hope things will get better soon-ish.