It feels like my emotional state is really out of my control. No matter how hard I try, or how many "right things" I do, it doesn't seem to matter... it's like there's something else I'm ignorant of which makes the difference.
Are you maybe in a longish-term EF? I find EFs can be full-on for a shortish time (few days, weeks maybe) or less extreme but going on for weeks and months. Before I was in trauma-informed T, counsellors, Ts, docs used to ask me how I'd got out of the previous bad phase. I didn't know, it "just happened". They'd counter with "but you must have some idea." I didn't. My current trauma-informed T said it's quite possible to feel that way though I am getting better at figuring out what might help me in the here-and-now. afaik there's no one thing that helps all the time.
I've had a hard time socializing lately. Everything/everyone seems to be really disconnected to me lately. It's really difficult as a big part of me wants to just be alone so I don't have to deal with all the trouble of social interaction, but I find myself lonely at the same time. ..
Recently I discovered that I'd been labelling a feeling as 'loneliness' that was actually emotional pain. It doesn't mean that that is what you are experiencing, of course. I'm having a hard time being with people atm unless there's some sort of agenda and not just socialising. Sometimes the part that doesn't want to do something has a good reason for it. If you've worked with Inner Children or other inner parts you might be able to find what this part needs in order to feel safe.
I used to force myself to go among people, i no longer do, after I once blew a fuse. An inner part went haywire, openly, oops.
Feeling disconnected could also mean you're experiencing one of depersonalisation, dissociation, derealisation.
