I finally love my IC but not her bad habit :(

[Mojo50]

I need to begin by saying that after tears of therapy, I actually really love my Inner Child(s). I remember a time years ago when I could not even look at her bc of the shame and the guilt. I just wanted to pretend that those parts of me didn't exist or didn't matter. As a survivor of CSA, alcoholic dad, neglectful parents and a super strict RELIGIOUS upbringing where God was angry and judgemental...so little me had no one. No sense of love or connection. Not ONE person to say you are lovable, worthy, perfectly imperfect, smart ........
Anyways, I am here to say the connection CAN happen. Through painful Inner Child work, looking at my own kids, I have learned to understand (?) those younger parts of me who made some not so great choices (esp. in relation to the CSA) and let go of the toxic shame which I am now realizing never ever belonged to her. There are days now where she and I will have internal conversations where I can soothe her, hug a pillow and pretend its her etc. It is kind of cool.
However....here is what I want to ask other warriors (bc that is what we are).... little me developed a little OCD in that she was always trying to fix everything and everyone (and esp fix herself because she thought she was so badly damaged). It is almost like I existed in my head to try and figure out how to make everything okay...... Anyways, decades later I still find that I do this....like my brain actually TRIES to come up with situations (real or imagined) that I can freak out about and fret about or fix.
Does anyone else do this? Like, I constantly still worry and try and fix everything and anything.  MY T has said this happens....I am just repeating what she did. But I am so tired of this brain of mine.  I try to tell her to stop, we arent there anymore. There is nothing to fix. But it is just so hard.
And if you do this, what do YOU do to get your brain to just STOP it already. This is when I have total compassion for that kid.....that she actually thought she had the power to change ppl or things...... and had to resort to a childhood of "figuring it out". I wish she could just let go..........

[Hope67]

Hi Mojo50,
Firstly I wanted to say 'Welcome' to this Out of the Storm forum - and I've just seen what you wrote here about loving your Inner Child(s) and also how you are recognising patterns that she does and has done to survive - and how you wish sometimes that she wouldn't continue to try to fix things.
I really related to what you said - I am trying to understand and befriend my 'inner children/parts', and I am also beginning to spot patterns and things that some parts of me have tended to do - and I've also been trying to understand why they have done that - and to try to gain compassion and understanding of my parts.
I really think it's great that you've been able to do this work - and I respect you talking about being a Warrior - that sounds strong and also brave. 
I am finding that some days I can connect, and then other days I find it harder - and I think it's tough to do this kind of exploration, but I am humbled by how it is going so far - and honestly, I really related to what you said here - I don't think I can answer your query on how to stop some patterns though - because I'm still getting pulled between different parts - and still struggling with many aspects.  But your post here has given me some positivity - because you sound like you're really getting somewhere, and I hope very much that you and your Inner Child(s) will continue to communicate and that you can get some peace and achieve whatever you want to achieve.
Hope 

[Three Roses]

...she was always trying to fix everything and everyone (and esp fix herself because she thought she was so badly damaged). It is almost like I existed in my head to try and figure out how to make everything okay...... Anyways, decades later I still find that I do this....like my brain actually TRIES to come up with situations (real or imagined) that I can freak out about and fret about or fix.

This is me. I'm constantly, involuntarily scanning everyone around me (including people I'm interacting with online) for signs of agitation or anger. It's like "little me" is trying to stay aware of danger, maybe by cracking a joke or helping someone or giving them a kind word will circumvent their anger or change it. Because angry people are not trustworthy - the belief there is that it's my job to help them take care of their feelings so that I am safe. Utter nonsense, my adult mind knows, but it's done so unwittingly that it sometimes takes me a while to even realize I'm doing it. And sometimes even realizing what I'm doing, I can't stop. Feeling responsible for other people's emotional well being is exhausting, painful and dysfunctional and sometimes the only thing I can do is withdraw completely.

Then when I withdraw, my brain sometime goes into overtime and will create scenarios. I have heard this called "catastrophizing". Here's a link to an article about catastrophizing from PsychCentral - https://psychcentral.com/lib/what-is-catastrophizing/

You are definitely not alone in this.

[Rainbow2]

hi mojo i am new here and i have just read your post about loving your inner child , so nice to hear and i love how you hug a pillow whilst pretending it is her! that is so cool and it sounds like you have gained comfort from connecting to her.
I am also trying to work on loving the different parts of myself , showing them compassion telling them i love and accept them that nothing is their fault although of course sometimes i slip up and revert to feeling '' self critical '' or atleast some parts of me feel critical over the other parts, sometimes.

Its interesting how you mention the '' warrior '' because only yesterday i was some way through a book which happened to mention the inner child and us looking after them , it was actually a book on healing and shamanism but it stated that the adult looking after the child , she or he is the warrior and the '' inner child '' in this case is referred to as '' the beast '' because that part is wounded and unruly at times,

The film beauty and the beast was mentioned and this was used as a metaphor for the warrior and the beast, the inner child , beauty accepts the beast into her heart comes to accept him love him and see his real side.