ch. 5 -- looking forward

[sanmagic7]

el, blueberry, and 3r - you all mean so much to me.  thank you for the well wishes.

today i'm a wreck.  ate too much sugar, am paying for it.  also drained from all the emotional stuff.  i have to go to the food bank today, but i need a few days just by myself, or at least w/ minimal contact.  someone else just wrote about being mad that this happens cuz of our past.  man, i'm with her all the way on that.

off to the porch.

[Hope67]

Dear SanMagic, I hope you are able to relax and replenish your energy on the Porch, and wishing you something calming - hope you feel better later.   
Hope 

[Sceal]

I am dreaming of a cinnamon cake, with some nice frosting on top. I know you're trying to avoid sugar, but my imaginary cake is super tasty without the sugar. I'd be happy to share a slice and a cup of tea with you.

[sanmagic7]

hope, your gentle kindness flows thru me, relaxing me.  thank you for that so very much.

sceal, i love the visualization, and will definitely join you in enjoying that.  than you so.

looks like all the stress of the past month has resulted in a muscle spasm in my hip.  don't have muscle relaxors, but xanax helps.  will also go to a relaxation video i particularly enjoy today.

my d did a rundown of all that's happened this last month, and it was way more than i even thought of.  besides all the emotions brought up by triggers on the 'buffy' episodes, we've also been battling this flea infestation, the resulting misery of both my d and her cat (and all my internal concern for both of them - by the by, seems better since yesterday, so a modicum of relief), financial concerns, more conversation than i've been used to in many, many years, the breakup with the mr. and wanting to isolate for a bit with no chance to really do so.

yeah, no wonder my body is screaming.  time to relax, rest, read something fun and light.  listen to the waves while i rock on the porch. 

[Elphanigh]

Glad you are realizing all that has gone on (sounds like my own realization last night). I will be with you on the porch today as well dear. Soaking up the calming energy.

I hope you can get your hip to relax and start to let go. I am personally looking forward to trying to do some light yoga tonight. I haven't been able too since I got sick.

Sending gentle hugs. Let EMS use her healing energy to help settle and heal all of the noise from the last month so your body can let go, even if just for a bit. She can hold onto all of it until you want to pick it back up, or if you never want to pick it all back up that is okay too. No need to carry more than your share ever. 

[sanmagic7]

thanks for the ems reminder, sweetie.  no, i think i'll let her keep it.  i just wish i was more aware of how i'm holding stress in before it gets to such a painful place.  it's better today, by the by - thankful for that.

a bit more resting today.  maybe some book work.  i may be teaching some classes in jan. and i need to re-read and edit the book form so i can have it available to anyone who shows up.  but, i love doing it, even if i can't spend too much energy on it at a time.  it'll get done, tho.

still struggling with fleas, altho they've calmed down a bit.  sprinkled and sprayed this morning.  whew!  it's just tiring.  we'll see how the day goes. 

[Three Roses]

A nice relaxing soak in an Epsom salts bath is very soothing for achey muscles. Lavender is helpful, too. 💜

[Elphanigh]

Glad the EMS reminder helped. She is great at holding and then letting go of that stuff for us. Sending lots of love your way my dear 

[Deep Blue]

I love that feeling of enjoying something! I really enjoy so much of what I do.  I think enjoying yourself can also be a great form of self care. 

[sanmagic7]

my hip seized up worse than ever today - am on muscle relaxers right now.  if this isn't better in a day or two, it's off to the e.r.  i can barely hobble to the john.  my d is taking good care of me, but i have nothing to give right now.  love you all.

[Wattlebird]

Sorry to here your hip is playing up
I'm glad your d is there to look after you, wishing you a quick recovery

[Blueberry]

san, you give just by writing and sending your love

Here's hoping your hip settles down again. Good to hear your d is taking good care of you. Way better than you being alone with your troublesome hip. 

[Deep Blue]

I agree with Blueberry,
You give without even knowing it my dear. 

Hope your hip eases up.  My friend's does that too but it depends which part of the hip for her treatment.  Front she finds some bulb in the front near the stomach and massages it.  In the side she uses heat and ice.  Good luck with your hon. 

[sanmagic7]

3r, el, db, blueberry, wb, i want you all to know how much i appreciate your well wishes, kind words, and support.  i'm still on muscle relaxers and xanax, just trying to force my brain and body to relax, no easy feat for me.  i think the hip is beginning to loosen a bit, tho, which is good.  my d is on board with me and the meds - she's monitoring me.

i told her that i was anxious about getting hooked on these drugs, worried about my posture cuz i'm pretty bent over just to walk, and realized this is only the third day i'm taking the meds, we're keeping a close eye on all of it.  the last time muscles seized up on me was before my cancer surgery, and it took about a month for them to settle down.

so, trust the magic, right?  it'll come right eventually.  i miss being able to walk w/ my d, tho.  that's nearly a daily affair for us.  right now my legs are too wobbly to even attempt it.  it's just an inconvenience - a painful one, to be sure, but i've survived pain.  this, too, shall pass.  love you all. 

[Three Roses]

Hang in there, kiddo