ch. 5 -- looking forward

[Elphanigh]

That sounds really difficult. I hope that it doesn't take nearly as long as last time. Have you looked at maybe using any peppermint oil, or things like icy hot in combination with the relaxers to see if it might help the process?

Lots of love to you 

[sanmagic7]

3r, i'[m hangin'.  el, no, don't have oils like that.  baths aren't relaxing to me, either.  thanks for the support, both of you.

it finally feels like that muscle is now mostly sore from being seized up for those days, so i think it's a bit better.  i'm cutting down on the muscle relaxers, will just do the xanax and ibuprofen today.  plus, the fleas reared their ugly heads again, so i think we'll try another option to scatter around, see if that works (thanks for the d.e. suggestion, 3r). 

last nite when my d discovered another bite on her leg, and a live flea on her cat, the air just got sucked out of the room.  i sprayed the upstairs before going to bed last nite, will do the downstairs today.  we may get another treatment for the cat as well.  i just feel so bad for them both - the critters don't bother me at all.

i swear, if it isn't one thing it's another.  we've barely had time to take a breath since we've moved in.  just this little crap that creates a lot of chaos.  and neither of us do well in chaos.  we like variation, but not this kind of thing.  we've both lived too long under such circumstances.  it's just wearing.

wah wah wah! 

[sanmagic7]

someone reminded me to think of something pos., so i will do just that.  i got accepted as an educator at the community college nearby.  will have to wait to see if enough people sign up for my series before it's an actual 'go', but i was glad to be accepted.  that was a good thing.  i do love to teach.

[Hope67]

Hi SanMagic,
Really good to hear you've been accepted as an educator at the community college - that is really good. 
Just wanted to send you a gentle and warm hug - and hope that you become less sore as time goes on - and hoping the chaos will give way to calm very soon.  You deserve some calm and tranquillity.
Hope 

[sanmagic7]

thank you my dear hope for those well wishes.

since the fleas have come back, i've already been spraying everything, and can feel my stress level shooting way up already.  i feel exhausted - again.  part of it is just the nuisance of it, but a lot of it is the blow back of my d's neg. emotions around this.  she is so bummed, itching, worried about her cat, and almost has a very low energy about combatting these things just at the time when the battle has to be aggressively renewed.

one foot in front of the other - again.  i just don't want this stress to knock me toes over teakettle one more time.   ugh - i hate this crapola.

ok, something good.  a good tennis match in a bit that i can relax and enjoy.  focus on that.

[sanmagic7]

an emotional nite tonite.  felt very sad for myself that it's only been a few months out of 71 yrs. that i feel safe.  my guts are heaving around inside.  i just want to rest.

[Hope67]

Dear SanMagic,
I hope you can rest today - and I hope that your guts will settle and allow you to feel some peace too - I really wish that we could all come over and help fumigate your place so those little flea critters were gone - and you could have some respite.  I hope your tennis match was a good one. 
to you SanMagic
Hope 

[Deep Blue]

 

It's ok to feel sad for yourself you know? I'm so sad for all the ills in your life friend.  Please let me know if you need anything.  EMs surround you to make your breathing easier and allow you to have a restful night's sleep. 

[Three Roses]

[sanmagic7]

thanks for the hugs, hope, 3r, and db.  i love them.  thanks for the well wishes and the reminder of ems.  deep breath thinking of her right now.

i let the world get to me last night.  i know what's going on that we don't see.  i usually can keep it at bay pretty well, but last nite saw a tv show where people were being horrible to people just because they could, and they wanted to inflict pain on others.  i flashed to my life, how many people did that to me, how much hate is out in the open now, how much hate has been directed toward me, and i crumbled under the burden.

i am not hopeful for this world, but i hang on for my d.  and we talked to the vet yesterday - there's still so much work to do about the fleas.  dang, it's supposedly only about 2 more weeks for their cycle to resolve itself, but it just breaks my heart for my d.  they love her, she's physically miserable, she's working her butt off to make sure we have enough money for rent and bills, and then this is piled on top of her.  it's so awful to see. 

so i vacuumed this morning, resprayed, will vacuum again tomorrow and the next day, etc. and maybe it'll take care of them.  we're also getting d.e. tomorrow, so we'll be spreading that as well.  this house is so big, it's just a lot of work and all i want to do is rest.

i told my d this morning that i have to take a break from watching the shows we've been watching - too triggering.  i need something light and stupid funny for awhile.  i've been loving those shows, but can't take them right now.  too much evil to see and feel.

crapola, sometimes i think i'm making it, and then i get hit in the head like this.  i haven't felt this down in a long time.

[Elphanigh]

I am glad you are with ems today. That is a lot to take in for anyone, and I hope you can get some rest. I will be in the porch with comforting blankets and warm drinks if you want any.  Sending you all the love I can 

[sanmagic7]

el, that love is reciprocated.  i do feel better.  had a good chat w/ my d - she had a rough day today, too, and i think we're both a wee bit better together.  thanks for your support.  dang, it's just been a lot of constant working to get rid of these pests, and i think my fatigue has left me more vulnerable to triggers.  ugh!  hoping tomorrow is better.   i appreciate all the support i've gotten the past week - it so helped me.  love you all.

[sanmagic7]

it's amazing what some good sleep can do.  i feel so much better this morning.  ready to tackle the world again.  or at least the flea world.

my d has published her third novel, it comes out today.  we went out to eat yesterday to celebrate, and we'll do some of that today as well.  i've never known anyone to work harder.  i'm a loud and proud mama right now.

we talked about all my triggers of late - i think i just got worn down with this stupid flea problem, my defenses were weakened, my schedule was off - it all makes a big difference to me in how i'm able to manage my emotions.  not very able to take things in stride anymore if my routine is off for any length of time.  i was never a 'routine' person in the past, but it's become very important to me at this time in my life.

thank you all for your support.  i can't make this work without you.  love and hugs all around.

[Elphanigh]

 

I am so glad to hear you finally got some good sleep and are starting to feel better. I hope you can tackle the flea problem and both you and your d can get some peace from this.

It is exciting her novel is coming out today, definitely celebration worthy 

I have become a bit of a routine person too, it helps the triggers out a lot to have some sort of routine. Hopefully you can get back to a settled routine, I think it will help your energy a lot.

Always with you my dear

[Blueberry]

san, I'm sending      Having annoying little critters around like fleas, mice or infestation of moths triggers all sorts in me and those steps you have to keep making to get rid of the problem really do me in. So I can sort of understand what you're going through.

Your response on my journal means so much to me. So good to read. Thank you tons!