people upset me

[sunshine31]

So just wanted to write that I have been feeling quite unwanted recently in general. I reached out to a old friend the other day about a week ago I thought they might have changed or try a bit more.. they were nice to me a little the other day asking me a few questions. then two days ago out of the blue did they send me a text saying not to text them again and that I was dead to them, I then instantly felt like they were messing with my feelings. because one minute they were nice the next they were not. Then yesterday they called me a waste of space. I just am really hurt by this. I struggle alot with trusting people. I sometimes feel like everyone will hurt me or be wierd with me.. even those I get close to or those I open up to. I never felt liked enough at school, had bits of bullying, and well in general I just feel like there is something wrong with me. I also felt instantly uncared for when I received these messages and my emotions completely changed in a instant. I have abandonment issues and they were really triggered again by this. I also never feel that I am good enough for people to stay. I just wonder sometimes why it is I get hurt so much by people. I had another friendship before this upset me too. I am a nice person all I want is friends. How do you trust people when people keep hurting you

[Blueberry]

I don't have answer but am sending  because I know how much this can hurt.

[Kizzie]

I'm not at all surprised you were triggered Sunshine, what an awful way for any person to treat another.

I tend not to let people close to me either because of my abandonment issues but I'm not as hard on myself about it anymore.  Like you I was made to feel abandoned, rejected, deficient ..... a whole host of things that of course make it so hard to leave ourselves open to that again.  Trust does not come easily and I'm good with that because I deserve better relationships than I had in the past.  And so do you. 

I am finding that as I recover and learn about boundaries, self-care, valuing myself, etc., I am not as afraid that someone else's poor behaviour will take me down in an abandonment spiral because I can see now that it is them and not me who has the problem.  I also find I can spot people who are not worth my trust earlier than I used to because I trust my gut to tell me when someone is not on the up and up. 

Maybe these are things you could consider working on too?   Do you have a therapist?

[Three Roses]

How terrible to be treated so unkindly, I'm so sorry you experienced that.  to you if you want one.

[sanmagic7]

i'm with the others, sunshine.  that was a terrible thing to do to you and it's no surprise that you reacted negatively.

i've discovered thru the years that, like kizzie, the more i can rely on myself, trust myself, the less upset i get when i run into people like that.  i agree with her that it's them - their behavior is rude and unkind, and there's no reason to act like that.  i don't understand why people are like that, but, dang, there are a lot of them who are.

so, yeah, i've learned to look to myself, take care of me, rely on my strengths, and the hurt that i've felt when people have acted like that toward me begins to diminish.   

[Rainagain]

Its no wonder you are upset. That was deliberately hurtful, no excuse for that behaviour.

I have read somewhere that cptsd prevents us from seeing others accurately, so we can become 'friends' with people who aren't actually friendly toward us.

That could be what happened here.

Whatever the cause, the person has not acted as a friend so in a way its good to know so you don't waste energy on them.

Don't blame yourself, its a choice they have made, good riddance to them, move on, they are clearly not worth a second thought.

[Phoebes]

Sunshine,

What horrible people! I can certainly understand how you would feel triggered and hurt. In hindsight, YOU reached out and were kind, and they responded horridly. That is their dysfunction, not yours..but now you see who they are and can make the choice not to engage ever again.

I echo what the others have said. Even though I still struggle with a few friendship dynamics, the more I learn to listen to myself and know I am worthy of having my own boundaries, whatever they may be (and others are too), and I can listen to my gut and trust those little feelings and parallels to past emotional abuse, the faster I can just conveniently never be available if that kind of person calls, or I can block them entirely..anything to keep myself around good people, good vibes, people who see me, and who I want to see myself around..

Hang in there! We are all right here with you. Eff those creeps!