Hi behea1thy,
I'm possibly over processing it, just my nature.
I suppose the settlement agreement just hurts at the moment as I now see it clearly, its a final kick in the pants from the people who had acted badly towards me.
I'm not suitable for treatment apparently as my trauma is ongoing, going through all of the evidence just makes the betrayal more clear to me.
Maybe that is the process, I have to fully explore the evil I was subjected to before I can try to accept it, I'm at an early stage, sort of pre recovery, maybe.
My old life is gone. My personality is different, even my IQ seems lower.
So, if I can explore the dark place I'm in fully maybe I can find a new life using my new persona, the old me is gone and clearly wasn't fitted for the situation I found myself in.
It seems like a huge task, but needs doing I guess.
Start small and work at it, about all I can manage.
Accepting help is interesting for me, I see others as actual live threat or current non threat with potential to become a threat, I don't feel helped or expect it, I'm just assessing the harm others can cause me and its likelihood.
Even being isolated doesn't preclude my having to keep tabs on lots of threats, the world is just so full of dangers, at least to me.