Partner's moods

[Gromit]

This last week, the kids have a week off and so did my OH, their father, to decorate the kitchen.

As my daughter said at the beginning, whilst he was huffing and puffing because we had not finished eating breakfast and moved everything ready, 'this will not go well, and dad will be terrifying'. That is the first time she has mentioned his moods. She is right, I was dreading it. She hides in her bedroom. I had no idea, I thought I was the only one triggered by his moods, outbursts of anger, unpredictable, just like my mother.

There have been some other conversations between my daughter and myself about this. Apparently my son hates it too but isn't so scared, he is taller than his dad now.

What do I do? I know how hard it is when you realise people are frightened of you, - I have been frightening in the past. My most common response is to freeze, then fawn. It is only recently I have managed to show any feeling when his outbursts happen, and it has improved. I don't feel he is blaming me now for whatever is upsetting him.

My OH is not violent, he just explodes, then it is over.

G

[LilyITV]

Gromit,
  It sounds to me like your OH is in need of anger management.  It's one thing to get angry, but it's quite another to get so explosively angry that your children feel the need to hide in their room.  It seems like even people without C-PTSD would get freaked out by your husband's temper.

  If it were me I'd have a conversation with your OH about his temper.  I think your children are being negatively affected by it too.  Are you in therapy?  Maybe your therapist can help talk you through this because it is a delicate thing to bring up. 

 

 

[Gromit]

Thanks LilyITV, I am not in therapy at the moment.

Yes, it is a tricky one, I remember what happened when my sister told our mother she had been frightened of her.

G

[Three Roses]

Dear Gromit, I don't know what to say. What an uncomfortable, tense situation! I'm standing with you in support. 

[LilyITV]

  Such a tough situation Gromitt.  It's good that you recognize there is a problem.  Yelling is a form of domestic violence.  I think you are on the right track posting here and seeking help.  Are there other people you can reach out to for support??  It would be good to have help in addressing this situation.   

[Gromit]

I got to an ACOA group meeting, two in fact as a new one has been started but most people in it are fairly new.

[LilyITV]

That is awesome Grommit!  It must really feel good to be able to talk to others in person.