Hello Truth,
I felt trapped listening to your story — I am sorry you went through that, your parents were not parents at that point; they were sick. I can relate to Richard Gannon’s Statement about ones body reading reality as unsafe and your response to the damage; depression. I had a similar experience when I left my family of origin, after feeling trapped in an abusive family system. One thing I did to restore my sense of self was travelling. When I was eighteen I lived overseas in Italy and went to school — it was the beginning of me coming out and leaving behind the dissociation. The theory was to experience how other families deal with problems —- it worked, I cried a lot and then I lived (I discovered laughter, flirting, adult play, etc) I sought experiences that were life giving and those dark memories started to fade.
Your world did change that day —- yet, it doesnt define who you are. In the ‘Body that keeps the score’ there is a chapter about our brains being rewired through new experiences that can start with meditation and mindfulness. I experienced this through hot yoga many years later (a deep release of pain) —- literally being pushed out of my body while I looked at myself in the mirror.
Boy 22 has it right - we are all survivors, sharing, healing, and learning. In your acknowledgment here and in all our responses, may you find a way through your pain that will open you up to all the possibilities you are capable of.