I think I'm being ''ghosted''

[wobbly]

I hate that we have a word for it nowadays, apparently it's become that common(or maybe it always was). It's someone from a therapy group I went to. I talked to her after it ended, we emailed, but really we only saw each other outside of it twice. I recently ran into her and texted her asking to hang out - that was over a week ago. I have a feeling I'm never gonna hear from her again.

On the one hand, I'm not one to... get attached quickly, I guess. I keep my distance for a long time, to protect myself. I thought I felt indifferent, but today I realized I'm relieved. I think because friendships are hard for me anyway, and it's easier to be alone, but I had my doubts about her specifically, too. I'm also sad, and left wondering why. When people leave without explanation, I feel myself becoming very cold towards them. Because it's so cruel, to me. It makes me question my behaviour and worry about what I did wrong endlessly. My first boyfriend did this, after four years together, and there were a lot of things wrong with our relationship, but that was the one thing I couldn't ''get over''. He just announced it was over, and that was that. He wanted to remain friends, and I couldn't do it. For the life of me, I don't understand why people can't just be honest.

And no matter how hard it's been to end friendships, I've always given them a reason. I've always given them a chance to ask questions and explain themselves. I know I'm not perfect(believe me) but I guess this is just my specific deal breaker. This is the very least you can do. I don't understand how people can just move on without having closure. If you're going to cut someone out of your life, have the decency to tell them why. It's not fair to leave someone wondering about what went wrong, what they did wrong.

Was I rude, too blunt? Was I too self involved? Was I disinterested? Was I selfish? All of the worst things my inner critic tells me become louder. I have no idea, and now I'll never know. But the thing is: this is so hurtful, that I lose respect for the person ghosting me. I'm having all these contradictory feelings, but in the end, I don't want that kind of person in my life. I value honesty, kindness, courage - and ''ghosting'' is the opposite of all of that. To me.

I've spent so much of my time thinking about this one person and I just feel I need a way to move on. So this is my way of creating that closure by myself. I'm focusing my attention on the kind, honest friends I have. I'm focusing on being kind to myself. I'm focusing on the future.

[Wattlebird]

I'm sorry wobbly, it's such a head scratcher when people don't explain there actions like this, I'm not sure I have advise, but wanted to tell you that I'm listening anyway.

[Boy22]

 

[saturnine]

Ugh, I feel you on this! People stepping out of my life gives way too much fuel to the inner critic - I think we have a hard-wired tendency to blame ourselves for being too this or too that, but the issue might actually lie with the other person...like they're not emotionally adept enough to be a good friend if they can't even communicate with you their reason for ghosting!

[wobbly]

Thanks for the support, everyone. <3

I think that's how I feel too, saturnine - someone who ghosts or gives you the silent treatment, instead of simply communicating their feelings... that person's probably not very emotionally mature, no. In hindsight, that kind of fits with some red flags I thought I was seeing - she said yes to everything, then became passive aggressive after. I'm sorry you're familiar with it as well. I don't think ghosting is every okay(unless someone's done something really horrible, but that's not really ghosting to me). I don't think the blame ever lies with the ghostee.