How to make friends?

[bhupendra]

I'm in my 30s. I'm an introvert. Just an average guy. I have no friends. I want to make friends. I don't know if it's even worth the effort and hassle. I have had bad experience with people in my past. I've tried making friends with relatives, acquaintances, classmates and colleagues. Most of them had expectations which I couldn't fulfill so the friendship never happened. I don't lack any social skills. Nor am I antisocial or antifriendship or feel anxious or depressed or compare myself with others or think much of myself. Also, it's not that I'm hooked to gadgets and social media like other people these days. On the contrary, I live an almost spartan life. And use the web and the resources to study society and different demographics. Many people who'd first meet me would think of me as some awkward weirdo. And if i tell them the things I notice in them, who knows they might just smile or feel offended. Internally they'd freak out. Obviously, any person would. Because it is not a norm in society.
I don't know if it's even worthwhile to spend time with people who'd judge me by my past or by my childlike benign comments or see me as some threat to their existence.
*sigh* So how do I go about making friends?

[Ellis]

Hey bhupendra,

This has been something I've confronted my therapist a while back and she has recommended many times that I could try social clubs/events. They're great because you can be with people who enjoy the same things you do, the same hobbies and tastes. The bad thing about it is that you'll have to step out of your comfort zone to try something new and meet strangers. But with some study and looking around you might find something!

You can also try internet forums/communities, like this one. Just pick an interest and go for it. It's WAY easier making friends with people who enjoy the same things as yourself.

But just keep at it. Try not to be discouraged by a few bunches of bad people because it's inevitable. I find that a new community ALWAYS has a bad apple but there's always someone there that you can honestly call a friend.
Hope this helps a little.

Regards,
Ellis.

[bhupendra]

Hey bhupendra,

This has been something I've confronted my therapist a while back and she has recommended many times that I could try social clubs/events. They're great because you can be with people who enjoy the same things you do, the same hobbies and tastes. The bad thing about it is that you'll have to step out of your comfort zone to try something new and meet strangers. But with some study and looking around you might find something!

You can also try internet forums/communities, like this one. Just pick an interest and go for it. It's WAY easier making friends with people who enjoy the same things as yourself.

I try all that. At the most I can only be acquaintance with them.

Even in my FOO, my dad doesn't have any true 'friend/s'. While all the 'friends' of my Mom emotionally distanced themselves from her after her behavior and perception of society and relationships changed since my dad's second marriage and marital conflict. She thinks that the people she calls her friends... her classmates during college, her colleagues, her gym buddies... are her friends. And wastes her time calling them, chatting with them on social media, meeting them or accepting their invitations. It's pretty obvious that they aren't. They just maintain a facade so as not to hurt her and some of them to use her sometimes for their own convenience. It's kind of same with my dad. Only relatives instead of friends in his case. All my siblings know that most of my dad's relatives don't like him. Even my dad somewhere knows this fact. Yet he tries to maintain his relationship with them lest they gang up on him and create trouble for him and his whole family.

From my experience and observation in my FOO I don't have much faith left in people, relationships and friendships. Yet I sometimes feel like I should make friends. People to share the moments of my life with? People to have a genuine connection with? people who know how to respect other people's boundaries, to be assertive of their own personal space, values and opinions? People who know how to protect and respect their own families and respect those of others? I don't know. Just people. Different people.