Hoping for the best

[WideSargassoSea]

Reading the posts of support have helped me calm my fears a bit. Im just finding that I feel a lot of confused emotions over my no contact abusive mother at the moment after having to report her to the police for the stalking behavior. A minute ago I really felt I could not cope without contact with her, and missed her terribly. I have such a hard time accepting I wont be able to get the healthy relationship with her I have wanted my entire life. I know its the case intellectually speaking, but emotionally , I can tell I just cant accept it and it breaks my heart.

[Blueberry]

I really understand that WideSargassoSea. As time passes, it has been getting easier for me to accept that I have - as my T puts it - a family in name only. Also to accept that my family is either unwilling to change or incapable of changing the way they interact with me so that no healthy relationship is possible. I don't think that the passage of time per se is helping me accept it, I think it's more to do with the changes due to therapy.

However it is very sad and can break hearts. 

[Not Alone]

We were made to connect deeply with our mothers. To not have that connection or to have it terribly broken is very unnatural. Very understandable that you are experiencing distress and heartache.  My heart goes out to you.

[WideSargassoSea]

Hope I can find a decent therapist to work with someday too. I want to broaden my life so that I have more colours in my life. At the moment im having such issues with anxiety, and with my mind drifting into issues about the past. Finding it difficult to enjoy the present, or to relax, or to just be. So instead im 'doing', ticking lots of things off of a list, but its leaving me very tired, and feeling like my life is currently just a list of unpleaseant hurried tasks. I hope this will pass and evolve as time goes on.... I tried to speak to the Samaritans yesterday as Ive found this helped give me additional perspective in the past, but they were again too busy for the second day running. Sadly, it seems this is a tough time for a lot of people. Blueberry, Im glad to hear therapy is helping. Its nice to hear its possible to cope and move forward with these difficult things.

[Hope67]

Hi WideSargassoSea,
I would like to wish you the best and hope you are doing ok. 
Hope