I’ve been seeing a therapist and learned that I probably began disassociating during sleep on the plane to America. I was adopted and it makes sense knowing the story. My parents told me I slept through the airport and loud restaurant and 2.5 hours home. They put me in my crib and I woke up and looked around and didn’t stop bawling all night. I had a recent EMDR session and went back to the womb, found out my mom was with me for 6 days to feed me before leaving me in foster care. I didn’t believe it would work when my therapist wanted to count down from 14 to see how many days before I was left. At 6 my stomach started growling really loud, I got freezing cold and my right arm went numb. It’s crazy how far back I had to go, I was thinking we’d start with my first relationship. I was a blackout drunk and started dating just to stop feeling so dirty because of how often I’d wake up not knowing who I’d slept with again. It was abusive and ended up getting pregnant, which saved my life. It was the only thing that would’ve stopped me from drinking until the end. My daughter is adopted and since my CPTSD diagnosis last year, I haven’t been in her life. I don’t know why I stopped seeing her, it is so absolutely depressing and don’t know what my problem is. It’s certainly not her fault, she’s the best thing that ever happened to me in my life. I miss her but don’t know how to approach this, I know she has contact with her birth father. It’s none of my business to interfere with that relationship and don’t know how to make contact or what to do or say. It breaks my heart, I’ve just stopped seeing her and this can’t continue. Does anyone have any advice about how to tell her what’s going on? I don’t understand my own behavior, it’s ridiculous. All I want is to reestablish our relationship but it’s me who cut it off for no reason. She’s 14 and mature enough to handle it, I just don’t know how to approach it without involving anything about her birth father.