My H has ADHD. I thought this was the cause of his

emotionally coming unglued at times. He will just skip from any rational argument into what his psychologist says is dissociating.
He just is emotionally reacting without emotional brakes. He's just saying things and he says he's not thinking. It's just tumbling out.
I thought this was something of a problem that had to be addressed with boundaries and discipline, etc. Not that I want to go that route of having to bring consequences to my H, but that's what I thought and he thought.
Then, someone brought up that it sounded like he's being triggered.
It seems like it happens a lot around food / cooking.
I'm cooking. H says he doesn't like x food. I get annoyed because why is H saying this? I'm just trying to cook dinner.
H tries to JADE since he thinks he needs to. I get more annoyed because he could just not eat it.
I say "just don't eat it".
H gets super emotionally dysregulated and the emotional brakes are gone.
He starts reacting a lot to... what?
He says it's because his mom used to say "just don't eat it".
But with BPD M, him expressing he didn't like something was a problem, since she has NPD traits too of control, etc.
What can I do? He gets into a mode that is extremely contrary for no reason and I don't know how to get through to him.
He's suggested I play music when he gets that way so that it can get through to him and he can calm down.
These arguments have escalated really high because I start to anticipate it and then have a big reaction instead, hoping to preempt his big reaction.
It doesn't work.
He also has this similar reaction if I'm cooking something he doesn't like, that i KNOW he doesn't like, and I would never make for him, and then he emotionally dysregulates and nothing makes any sense.