Fostering Healthy Connection & Belonging

[Kizzie]

I'm reading a lot about connection/attachment as a way of building resiliency against trauma these days and came across this idea that could be helpful for adult trauma survivors. It's called the Buddy Project, and it pairs teens and young adults at risk of suicide/self-harm with an online buddy. So far over over 195,000 people have signed up.

Given isolation is a result of CPTSD and we here know connection with others who have CPTSD can help, this might have some legs for us.  Personally I would love to run things by a person who does not have cPTSD, but understands I do. 

[Kizzie]

Here's a good article I found this morning on the value of belonging as a resiliency factor in the face of trauma:

Belongingness Can Protect Against Impact of Trauma, Study Suggests - "A new study explores feelings of belongingness as a protective factor for childhood trauma and adult mental health outcomes."

My H's M had NPD and his F was emotionally absent but my H did not develop CPTSD. I think this has everything to do with the fact that he was part of a youth organization from the time he was 13 to 18 and it gave him a real sense of belonging, safety, self-worth and stability. 

[Kizzie]

So true BeHealthy, as I have grown older I and have been working on recovery I both want and don't want connections. By that I mean "Yes!" to healthy connections and "No!" to unhealthy ones. 

I am just finding my way through how to do that.  Because I had an enmeshing NPD M&F&B, I am very keen not to let anyone too close for fear of losing that much valued space I have finally through cutting contact with them and others who I attracted who (I felt) were crowding me.  I'm not quite sure what intimacy looks/feels like in a closer, healthier (non-enmeshing or non-N where I can just be myself) friendship though, but I am open to it now at least.

Anyway, this morning I read this article and it really resonated with me about why trauma survivors may need to cut unhealthy connections and seek out healthier ones - https://www.washingtonpost.com/national/health-science/i-cut-off-all-contact-with-my-mother-it-made-my-life-much-better/2019/01/18/cc454e9e-1529-11e9-90a8-136fa44b80ba_story.html?utm_term=.86eea342bd6d.

[periwinkle]

The Buddy Project sounds like such a good initiative. I'm bummed there's currently no pairing up happening & no timeline for when there will be. I need that kind of peer support really badly right now and I wish I could show up to offer some to someone else too.

[Kizzie]

Saw this post about holding hope for someone who is struggling on Twitter today and just loved it. We need more people like this in our lives.