[deejo]

I am a survivor of multiple childhood trauma to where I had to disown my adoptive mother 17 years ago (at the advice of therapists) to stop the toxicity and cycle of abuse. At that time, I stopped all communication with her family as they did not know the extent of abuse and just walked away.

Yesterday, my mother's best friend posted on my FB wall reaching out to me and wanting to know what's going on in my life. It sent me reeling and triggering. She reached out to me the first time about a year ago and I never responded.

Although I appreciate her gesture, I don't know how to handle it. My life is in total upheaval right now as I have been unemployed for almost a year and I am also going to lose my apartment in about a month, facing homelessness.

Advice?

[Kizzie]

I don't have any advice deejo, just a question about whether or not you feel safe/comfortable enough to respond to her? 

I ask because I don't have a FB account for the reason that I did not want my family of their friends to know what I was doing and did not want any msges like you received, it was all too triggering and remains that way for me. 

[deejo]

Kizzie, thank you for replying. I only established a FB account as I have lived all over the country (I am quite the escape artist!) and wanted to stay in touch with people. At one point, some of those people did check on me. But, you bring up a valid point as I don't like FB anymore.

She (Carol) does not know the extent of abuse I endured under her best friend (my adoptive mother) and the massive cover-up. I am slightly interested in what my adoptive mother told her to justify the estrangement, but I don't care. The outreach appears genuine, but it opened Pandora's Box and I have been crying for 2 days. It sent me reeling so much I just spent an hour on the phone with a suicide hotline just to talk about it.

Then there's the rejection aspect: does she really care? (I've been there all this time); is she trying to save face (seeing way too much of that right now). But, I'm trying not to totally isolate myself. "They say" to get help, you have to ask for it. "They" don't know the risk involved.

[Ellis]

Hey deejo,

This sounds really tough, I'm sorry you have to go through this.
I just implore that whatever you choose that you look after yourself and don't be afraid to seek help.

If you're facing such unemployment, are there any work agencies around your area that might help you look for a job?

Wishing you luck and strength.

Regards,
Ellis.

[Kizzie]

I am so sorry it triggered you so badly deejo, I truly hope talking here and to a hot line is helping.    Is there a way you can block anyone except those you want to hear from/be in contact with or go to a more private profile rather than stopping FB all together since it's a way of keeping in touch? 

Perhaps as you move along in recovery there will come a time when you are less reactive and can talk with your M's friend more comfortably about her reasons for being in touch, etc. 

[Sceal]

I think you should do what is best for you. Take your own health in mind.
I created a new FB account when I was getting away from my most recent abusers. Well, actually I re-activated an old account and changed my name a little, it's still me - but not as easy to search up on the engine I think. I hope. I've blocked all the people from that time of my life. I don't want them contacting me, because even just the thought of it sends me down the dark rabbit hole of paranoia and anxiety.

My advice it to ask yourself: Will answering her question benefit you? Does having her as a friend on facebook benefit you? If not, maybe you should unfriend her and block her?

I hope you're feeling better today

[Boatsetsailrose]

Hi deejo how is it going ?
Sending best wishes
I can relate to being triggered by others contact, being unemployed and the fear re potential not having a home

[Pilgrim]

Hi. It's such a hard one - been there myself with others trying to re-write history as time passes. But I think, as others have said, look at it from what you feel you will get out of it. You know the people the best so you may have some feeling about this person's reason for contacting you "in the back of your mind". As it's been a while since the initial contact I might be too late in responding but if not, you've had some time to think about it. Are your feelings changing? Trust your feelings.
Cheers
Lou