Christmas confusion

[Libby183]

Hoping very much that Christmas was OK for all of you. Wondering if you share my relief that it is over?

[Blueberry]

Christmas was fine for me     Since you're relieved it's over, then I'm glad it's over for you! In my country it's not seen as being really over yet. I'm fine with that.

[Wattlebird]

Totally relieved

[finallyfree]

Glad it's over, I took my decorations down yesterday. I was alone so, it was kind of lonely for me.

[Libby183]

Thank you for your agreement, Wattlebird, and pleased that Christmas was good for you Blueberry.

Finallyfree, I am so sorry that you had a lonely Christmas. I think, like me, you were the family scapegoat, and are now estranged. Even though I spent the holidays with my husband and grown up children, I still felt very alone. I truly believe that what I didn't get from my parents has left me with such an emptiness, which becomes so much more apparent at these sort of family times. I hope you are OK and that better days are on their way.

[finallyfree]

Thanks Libby and you are correct I am estranged from my FOO. Sadly I also married a covert narc, just like my mother and after divorcing him he has brainwashed my only child to alienate me as well. This is the worst part. It's interesting you said you felt alone with your family there. I too have had that happen to me as well. It's hard. Thanks for your kind words and I hope it makes you feel better your not alone in this. You are so right this time of year just magnifies that fact that I am alone. Like shining a spotlight on it! So hard!

[Rainagain]

I'm relieved its over too, just something to get through. Alone.

Makes me realise how not very well I am, it does put a spotlight on things best left unexamined.

Here's to another year, let's see if things get a little easier for us all.

[Contessa]

Another one here too. Every year.

[Libby183]

Hi everyone.

So sad to hear it's not just me who finds Christmas so troubling.

Finallyfree - I am so sorry that your child has been alienated from you. And then Christmas comes along with all of its emphasis on family and happiness, and it just drives it all home even more.

It's exactly as you say, Rainagain.  It puts a spotlight on things best left unexamined. For me, I have to admit, it has shone a spotlight on my marriage. My husband says he loves Christmas but didn't get anyone (except our daughter) a present and didn't join in at all on Christmas day. Thankfully our children are grown up and aren't bothered. I think I was triggered by the mismatch of what he says and what he does. Then I thought, as well, of all of the females in both of our families, who would have been besides themselves if they had not got a present. And yet, I am expected to just accept it. I can't respond because that would make me just like my violent Nmother.

So, yes, Christmas is so confusing for me that next year, it will be Christmas dinner, followed by a completely normal day.

I'm sorry that you are struggling with the season as well, Contessa. I have followed your thread about socialising and parties and I feel for you. In the past, I tried to socialise, disliked it and the anxiety it created, but felt so guilty that I didn't enjoy it. I've let go of some of the guilt but now I am so sad that this ability to feel a social connection was never fostered in me as a child. My mother was sociable but anxious and used me to soak up her anxiety in social situations. She felt better but I felt worse.

Let's hope for better things to come for all of us.

Libby.

[Hope67]

Dear Libby,
I just wanted to say that I'm disappointed that your husband didn't buy  you a present for Christmas - and I wanted to send you a supportive hug  and let you know that I thought of you at Christmas - as well as at other times, as I relate very much to you - in our shared experiences of estrangement from FOO.  I missed this thread, and have only just seen it now - I also find Christmas to be a mixed bag of emotions and feelings - and I am going to be glad when my routine is back to normal - somehow I don't feel it will be till after the New Year - but next week - I think it will be better. 

Libby - I hope that 2019 will be a good year for us all.   
Hope 

[Libby183]

Oh, thank you, Hope, for your kind wishes and thoughts. You're right - Christmas is such a mixed bag of emotions, definitely linked to childhood experiences and then to estrangement, so bound to be tricky.

In some ways, I have coped quite well. Dealt with emotions and moved on. So that's good.

You are right about the need to get New year out of the way, so that we can get back to normal. Thankfully, New year isn't quite so triggering,  as my parents weren't as bothered by it. Unlike Christmas, which my mother said she loved but which really brought out the absolute worst in her.

So big hugs to you as well, Hope. Enjoy the bits of the season that are good for you, and look forward to normality. I am going out with my daughter later, so that will be nice.

[finallyfree]

Dear Libby,
Thanks for your kind words regarding my situation. I am so sorry you did not even get a gift from your husband. That's not acceptable at all. Especially when he acts like the one that loves Christmas. All my life I have experienced my former FOO as well as my ex husband saying one thing and then their actions never matched their words. It always confused and disappointed me too. Hope we will all find things better and brighter in 2019! Looking ahead and attempting to not bring the past forward.

[finallyfree]

Also to Wattlebird, Contessa, Hope and Rainagain, hugs to each of you. I am sorry you had a not so great Christmas too.  .

[LilyITV]

Hugs to everyone who struggled to make it through this Christmas.     

[Boatsetsailrose]

Had a peaceful and fun Christmas with friends and grateful for that..
Mixed feelings on it being over ..glad to get 'back to normal ' ie not big waves of energy in society that feels pressure' yet having to 'face reality of society ' uncomfortable too