The Effects of Discounting and Empowerment-Levels 1-4 & Empowerment

[BeHea1thy]

Growing Up Again. © 1989, 1998 by Jean Illsley Clarke and Connie Dawson. Published by Hazelden. All rights reserved. Reproduction for educational purposes is permissible.

The Effects of Discounting and Empowerment

Discounting is the process of denying, of perceiving something to be less or more than or different than it really is. We can discount our own needs or abilities, the needs and abilities of others, or the reality and probabilities of the situation. There are four levels on which we may discount. Level 1 is the most difficult to confront, but every level keeps a person from acting responsibly and powerfully. Discounting is done outside of awareness to defend old beliefs or because of lack of information.

LEVEL 1-NO PROBLEM:
Characteristics:
A level-1 discounter responds as if the person, situation, or problem does not exist. (No problem!)

Children May Hear the Following Messages:
You don't know what you know; don't trust your own perceptions and needs.

Common Responses of Children:
Since all four levels of discounting result in the problem not being solved, children may respond to each one with despair, anger, rage, helplessness, self-doubt, mistrust of others, mistrust of own perceptions, disdain for the discounter, and feelings of unimportance, rejection, abandonment, confusion, being unloved, shame, hopelessness, and being undermined. They may be scared about who will protect them and keep them safe.

Decisions Often Made by Children and Often Carried into Adulthood:
I can't trust my own perceptions. There must be something wrong with me.

LEVEL 2-NOT SERIOUS
Characteristics:
A level-2 discounter accepts that the problem exists, but ignores it because it has negligible impact. According to the discounter, this problem is not serious.

Children May Hear the Following Messages:
You don't know what you know; don't trust your own perceptions and needs. Don't take things seriously.

Common Responses of Children:
Same as level 1

Decisions Often Made by Children and Often Carried into Adulthood:
I don't know if I will be taken seriously. I can't trust my thinking and evaluation.

LEVEL 3-NO SOLUTION
The level-3 discounter accepts that the problem exists and is serious, but believes the problem is not solvable. (There's no solution)

Children May Hear the Following Messages:
Nothing can be done. That's the way life is. There's nothing anyone can do.

Common Responses of Children:
Same as level 1

Decisions Often Made by Children and Often Carried into Adulthood:
I can't trust my world to meet my needs. I don't deserve help or assistance. There are no solutions. I am helpless.

LEVEL 4- NO PERSONAL POWER
The level-4 discounter accepts that there may be solutions to the problem, and accepts that it is serious, but believes he or she has no power to solve or help solve it. (I have no power to fix the problem.)

Children May Hear the Following Messages:
I don't know how to help you. You or your problems are too much for me.

Common Responses of Children:
Same as Level 1.

Decisions Often Made by Children and Often Carried into Adulthood
I can't count on people around me. I am abandoned. I must do this on my own. I will choose not to be aware of what I need.

EMPOWERMENT:
In contrast to a discounter, an empowered person acts responsibly. The empowered person (1) evaluates the problem realistically, (2) judges its seriousness accurately, (3) knows or finds solutions to the problem, (4) assesses what is reasonable for him or her to do, and (5) takes effective action.

Children May Hear the Following Messages:
I respect you and myself. Your needs, problems, and feelings are important. So are mine. If we can't figure out what to do, we'll find someone who can.

Common Responses of Children:
Children feel safe, cared for, listened to, relieved, loved, accepted, valued, competent, important and powerful. They may feel joy, satisfaction, anger or frustration, depending on the situation.

Decisions Often Made by Children and Often Carried into Adulthood
It is safe for me to do the things I need to do and to grow up. I can ask for help. I am competent, capable, and effective. I can trust my senses and intuition. I know what I know.

[finallyfree]

Thanks BeHea1thy, this is very good information. I appreciate you sharing.

[Libby183]

This was very interesting. My toxic and immature mother discounted me and my needs from day one and I grew into an abandoned adult who never addressed her own needs. That said, I do feel that I have started to grow somewhat, since the divorce was announced.

Despite my problems, I believe absolutely that I never discounted my children and we worked through very serious problems. They are now very independent and empowered. I suppose that with more awareness, some parents would do a better job of empowering their children, but the most damaging ones would still choose, like my mother, to discount and control.  So very sad.

A very thought provoking post. Thank you.

[Libby183]

Thanks, BeHea1thy. It's so nice to be validated, and I shall look out for your next review on this book.

Libby.