Wk 3: Stage 1, Step 2, Activity 4 "Autobiography from earliest memory to now"

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C.

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4.   You might consider writing your autobiography, starting with your earliest memory and working forward to the present.  If you can, make a trip back to your hometown to research your autobiography.  Interview the people who knew you as a child and ask them about their memories and perceptions of you back then.  Just let the impressions, memories and feelings wash over you.  Write them down in your journal for future reference.

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C.

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One of my earliest memories is of a grown man being mean to mean while I was in the sand box.  Then I never went to that sand box again.  My mother has told me there were "bullies" at an apartment complex where we lived and she didn't know what to do about it.  So I suspect I was bullied and not protected.  I was about 1 1/2 years old.  I also remember watching a child put a small piece of wire in a light socket-later I found out that was me...again about 1 1/2 y.o.

On the pleasant side I remember a lot of smiles and generic praise from my mom...

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bee

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I started this last year. Writing all of the 'major'? traumas starting at the earliest I can remember. When I told my T what I was doing, she couldn't suppress her reaction. It was horror. As in, why would you do that to yourself. I don't think it's bad to remember, but trying to process it all once, is a bit much I think. I got to first grade. I think I'll add to it as I'm processing the memories in T.
The advice to revisit your hometown? "Let the impressions, memories, and feelings wash over you" :blink: hey, who wants a flashback, yea, that sounds like a good idea. Are you f***ing insane? Maybe it works for some, for me it would be a sure way to catatonia.

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Kizzie

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One of my earliest memories is living in Germany on a Canadian Forces base there when I was five and my dad came home drunk.  My M threw a hot frying pan at him and they got into a huge shouting match which ended with my M dragging me out the door.  My F grabbed  my other hand and they were both tugging me. Someone let go and my head crashed into the door knob.  I have no idea where my B was or what happened after that. 

My F drank a lot when we're stationed in Europe and M was always angry it seemed. I just tried to stay out of the way, but I remember being scared and anxious all the time.  I would lay awake nights listening to them fight and cry.  Once I hid under my bed so they would think I ran away and no one came looking for me.  Now at 5 it might only have been an hour but it felt like a really long time.

There are really huge gaps in my memory of my life so this exercise is going to take some effort and like Bee I want to go slowly so I'm not overwhelmed.
« Last Edit: March 21, 2015, 07:22:21 PM by Kizzie »

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C.

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Bee, well said about how triggering the autobiography and hometown could be.  It got me thinking about how careful we all have to be not to trigger ourselves too much.  On the other hand small "triggering" events over time that can be handled successfully are a big part of the healing.  This requires an incredible amount of self-awareness and supports in place, whatever they might be...