Intro

Started by UnapologeticallyCharlie, December 31, 2018, 01:20:23 PM

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UnapologeticallyCharlie

Hello OOTS, and thank you for approving my membership request. My name is Charlie, I'm a 30 year old female living in the southeastern United States, I have two children 11 & 4, and I have CPTSD. I'm newly diagnosed and currently on Wellbutrin for symptoms. Using the ACE's as a diagnostic, I honestly have experienced all 10 of them.

It began somewhere between the ages of 4 to 6 with CSA, my mother was a drug addict and also suffers from CPTSD, my father was a physically and emotionally abusive alcoholic, I was the oldest and always bore the brunt. I witnessed my mother get shot in the head (she's alive), was taken from my mother by my father and moved across country, I experienced CSA from one of my father's relatives and that completely decimated any semblance of or opportunity for any type of relationship with my father, he kicked me out the day I graduated high school, I continuously choose to attempt relationships with men who are older and typically emotionally abusive and/or manipulative, I continued to experience sexual abuse as an adult, I have substance abuse issues, a suicide attempt, problems with interpersonal relationships and communication skills, incapable of holding down steady employment, and I'm estranged on some level from my ENTIRE family.

Quite a fine piece of work, eh? Despite being repeatedly victimized, I never wanted to BE a victim. I knew that I was somewhat a victim of circumstance, but I also knew that I had the option to CHOOSE to be an active participant in my life and the direction and progression there of. I refuse to apologize for who I am, good and bad - I'm a product of experience and I'm thrilled with the masterpiece I am becoming. There's good days and bad, and more is yet to come. For now, my main goal is to begin healing in a therapeutic way and continuing to be Unapologetically Charlie  ;)

Blueberry

Welcome to the forum Unapologetically Charlie  :heythere:

Three Roses

Hello and welcome, UnapologeticallyCharlie!

QuoteQuite a fine piece of work, eh?

Yes, I think you are! You are a survivor. It doesn't matter how you survived - you did what you needed to. There is a thing called the "repetition compulsion" that explains why I did the exact thing you describe - unconsciously repeating patterns in my relationships, perhaps in an effort to finally gain some sense of mastery over my violent childhood. But I used to just think, "Why did this keep happening to me?!"

I love that you said  -
QuoteI'm thrilled with the masterpiece I am becoming.

We are beautiful, imperfect creations. Glad you're here.


sj

hello UnapologeticallyCharlie  :wave:

I'm pretty new here, myself, but I wanted to acknowledge your post.

All the best with your ongoing healing  :)