Mad at the world

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LittleBirdy

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Mad at the world
« on: January 04, 2019, 08:00:03 AM »
I feel like a soda bottle with a closed lid that someone shook and I just canít open the cap. Itís like thereís something blocking me from expressing or feeling my emotions and itís so frustrated. I used to get so uncomfortable when people would cry around me but now I just feel jealous that they can let out their emotions so easily. Iím just mad at the world and I hate this, I feel like I have no control over my life I want to move out but Iím still a student and cannot afford rent yet. Itís like Iím an adult but still a glorified teenager. I just want to be able to heal fully but I canít do that when Iím constantly with my FOO. When my friends get excited to go home for breaks I just canít relate. i just want to feel my feelings I want to be a happy adult, and I hate the thought of having to wait a year or more. And Iím also angry that so many mental health professionals didnít notice that my ex was gaslighting me. He drove me so crazy I was nearly hospitalized. He made me believe I was crazy and they went along with it!! The second we broke up I felt more sane than I had in a long time. Iím angry I have to live with my FOO, angry I canít seem to find a good therapist, mad at the world in general, and I just donít know what to do with all this anger!! I want to cry it all out!! And I always feel guilty when I rant to my partner because I know he doesnít know what to say and he has such a big heart and I need therapy and I donít always want to dump negativity on him because he didnít make this mess so he shouldnít have to clean it. But hey, you guys listen and Iím so greatful this site exists!! See I feel guilty about being negative so now Iím ending this post with something positive!! And thatís what this site is for!!! Expressing feelings!!  UGH!!!!  :pissed:

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sj

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Re: Mad at the world
« Reply #1 on: January 04, 2019, 08:56:39 AM »
I can't offer much but to say I relate to what your feeling and that it is understandable, even if really difficult and seemingly unresolvable

glad you have a space you can express it and hope some better, more bearable feelings are just around the corner

take care

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alliematt

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Re: Mad at the world
« Reply #2 on: January 04, 2019, 02:49:46 PM »
You're absolutely right.  That is what this site is for.  Expressing feelings.

 :grouphug:

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sanmagic7

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Re: Mad at the world
« Reply #3 on: January 04, 2019, 04:02:16 PM »
hey, sweetie,  i'm just glad you were able to get some of that out.  that's what we're here for.  and, yeah, it's so frustrating (believe me, i've been there more than once) not to be able to get the help we want and need.  ugh is right!  also glad you're out from under the gaslighting, and have someone who is providing a healthier place.  sending love and  :hug: :hug: :hug: