Mad at the world

[LittleBirdy]

I feel like a soda bottle with a closed lid that someone shook and I just can't open the cap. It's like there's something blocking me from expressing or feeling my emotions and it's so frustrated. I used to get so uncomfortable when people would cry around me but now I just feel jealous that they can let out their emotions so easily. I'm just mad at the world and I hate this, I feel like I have no control over my life I want to move out but I'm still a student and cannot afford rent yet. It's like I'm an adult but still a glorified teenager. I just want to be able to heal fully but I can't do that when I'm constantly with my FOO. When my friends get excited to go home for breaks I just can't relate. i just want to feel my feelings I want to be a happy adult, and I hate the thought of having to wait a year or more. And I'm also angry that so many mental health professionals didn't notice that my ex was gaslighting me. He drove me so crazy I was nearly hospitalized. He made me believe I was crazy and they went along with it!! The second we broke up I felt more sane than I had in a long time. I'm angry I have to live with my FOO, angry I can't seem to find a good therapist, mad at the world in general, and I just don't know what to do with all this anger!! I want to cry it all out!! And I always feel guilty when I rant to my partner because I know he doesn't know what to say and he has such a big heart and I need therapy and I don't always want to dump negativity on him because he didn't make this mess so he shouldn't have to clean it. But hey, you guys listen and I'm so greatful this site exists!! See I feel guilty about being negative so now I'm ending this post with something positive!! And that's what this site is for!!! Expressing feelings!!  UGH!!!! 

[sj]

I can't offer much but to say I relate to what your feeling and that it is understandable, even if really difficult and seemingly unresolvable

glad you have a space you can express it and hope some better, more bearable feelings are just around the corner

take care

[alliematt]

You're absolutely right.  That is what this site is for.  Expressing feelings.

[sanmagic7]

hey, sweetie,  i'm just glad you were able to get some of that out.  that's what we're here for.  and, yeah, it's so frustrating (believe me, i've been there more than once) not to be able to get the help we want and need.  ugh is right!  also glad you're out from under the gaslighting, and have someone who is providing a healthier place.  sending love and