Thank you so much San.
It is true. Before my sudden dissapearence this summer I was very active in other people's journals and on the forum as a whole. This forum has given me alot. I tried to help out the moderators too for a while. But I've just come to the point where I can't hear or read, or watch other people's pain. It gets too me too quickly. Someone once told me of an anology when I was younger and just getting sick. Well, just getting treatment. I had a friend who was also very, very sick. And the nurse at the hospital told us that sometimes you have people in your life that are also suffering, and you want to do everything you can for them because you care so much, and you feel their pain so clearly. It's so familiar, and you don't want them to feel it. But what ends up happening is that although both are trying to help each other up and out of the bottom of the pit, it ends up both dragging each other down. We can't both be climbing the superslick slippery surface together, we're not strong enough to carry each other. So for a while, it is better to focus on ones own health.
And that is what I am trying to do, not because the people around me is trying to pull me down. But because I care so much and because I'm not strong enough for us both (plural) yet I end up back down at the pit.
It's not just here on the forum, it's in real life too. At work, with roomie, with friends. And I feel like the worlds biggest selfish person.
Update on the exhibition: I'm ALMOST done. two more images to paint, the lineart is NEARLY done on the last image.
Update on the dog: The vet says if we can get his pain under control and if we can clear up his gum-infection he has a good chance of living a few more years. He's going in for dental care tomorrow. It's tricky, because it's anasthesia.. and he has heart problems. And that's always scary. I cuddled him all I could today.
Update on roomie: He's going through *. I feel really bad about it, it's not my fault. I'll try to support him. But I can't.. I really need to somehow find the strength to be a B* and still move out come march. Regardless of what happens. I really, really, really hope he wont guilt me into staying. I am really, really not strong yet.
Update on health: I've lost weight. Which is great. My muscles are all sore today, and I've been in some annoying pain. Not like ALOT, but the kind that doesn't let go. And I might have to sit out an workout this week - and I'm no fan of that. But I'm supposed to listen to the body, right?